The idea of eloping may conjure images of couples spontaneously jetting off to Vegas to say their vows in front of an Elvis impersonator. But for Christopher and Megan Niehoff, eloping to Cape Cod took about six months to plan.
The Niehoffs, who got engaged Christmas Eve in 2006, began planning their elopement in February of this year.
When they arrived at Brewster by the Sea Inn & Spa from their hometown of Columbus, Wis., all the flowers, food and other arrangements were ready and waiting, since they had been chosen back in the winter.
“All these decisions were made in February through e-mails, and everything was done so I didn’t have to make any decisions” there, Megan Niehoff says. “It was so easy to do, and everything was done over the Internet, so you’re prepared before you leave.”
Donna Cain, co-owner of Brewster by the Sea, began offering elopement packages about two years ago to add to the off-season business, but now she has expanded to creating different packages for all seasons.
“We wanted to fit a niche that wasn’t really (filled) out there. A lot of people want a high-end experience with just themselves, and we created that little niche, and it’s worked out really well,” Cain says. “We want to give something very memorable for our guests, and we take care of all the details.”
Co-owner Byron Cain takes wedding photos and sends the couple away with a CD of his photos, as well as the option for a photo album. The Cains put their eloping guests in touch with their two justices of the peace - Judith Todd-McNicole and Susan Marcus - who walk them through the process.
In addition to planning months in advance to book a room for eloping couples, there are other time factors and details to consider. Massachusetts doesn’t require couples to get blood tests, which saves time, but marriage licenses take three days to process, according to Barnstable Town Clerk Linda E. Hutchenrider.
“All (you) have to do is go to any town clerk’s office, fill out a number of papers (it doesn’t matter where you’re from), apply, and three days later you can pick up a license,” Hutchenrider says. “If couples want to get married quicker, they can go to a judge at one of the courts in Barnstable and ask for a waiver of the three-day waiting period.”
But there’s no guarantee a judge will be available or that the waiver will be granted. Couples should call the probate court in advance and ask what the requirements are for obtaining a waiver of the three-day waiting period.
Massachusetts marriage licenses are valid for 60 days, so if a couple doesn’t get married within two months, the license becomes invalid and the application process must be started from scratch.
A license costs $31 and includes a certified copy of the marriage certificate.
The Niehoffs opted to complete the whole process in three days. They arrived on the Cape Aug. 6 and were married on Paines Creek Beach in Brewster Aug. 8.
“Susan Marcus was very helpful getting us through the marriage license process, and we had to go to Barnstable County Courthouse and get the waiver, and then we drove right to Brewster Town Hall and finished the license process,” Niehoff says.
Hutchenrider says that the Cape, along with many other areas near water, is an ideal marriage destination, and people who can’t afford a big wedding can still celebrate with a small wedding near the ocean in a nice atmosphere.
That was what prompted the Lumias to begin offering elopement packages at The Captain Farris House in Bass River Village two years ago.
“We have beautiful grounds, and people would come by to see if we do weddings, but we’re not set up to do big weddings, so we offer elopement packages that are on a much smaller scale,” says Nancy Lumia, co-owner – with her husband, Michael – of The Captain Farris House.
The Lumias encourage couples to book reservations ahead of time, especially if they want special flowers or other arrangements.
The Captain Farris House can accommodate elopement parties of up to 12 people. The Lumias offer a ceremony performed by Justice of the Peace Shiela Thompson, a room complete with a bottle of champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries, rose petals on the bed and a $50 gift certificate to a restaurant for a celebratory dinner.
“All (couples) have to do is come with their license. We get the flowers for the bride, the boutonniere, and set up the ceremony – either in the gazebo filled with beautiful seasonal flowers or in the … parlor in front of fireplace,” Nancy says.
“If the couple does have guests we can make it a private event and block off the dining room. Sometimes we set up outside and we’ll have champagne and strawberries for everyone after the ceremony. And we can offer either live music or a deejay,” Michael says. “The base price is $599 on top of (the price of) their room, which is typically the Phoebe White Honeymoon Suite.”
At the Captain’s House Inn in Chatham, co-owner Jill Meyer says she tells people who are planning to elope to book rooms four months in advance in high season and to allow two to three months advance booking even in the fall.
“We really can’t turn it around that quickly, because we have to order flowers, and the chef has to do the cake. The quickest we could do it would be maybe a week. But then, it’s not likely we would have any rooms available,” Meyer says.
Meyer and husband James have owned this property for two years and instituted the elopement package right from the start, because they had had success with it when they owned the Carriage House Inn, also in Chatham.
“We always wanted to do weddings, but it’s too small of a venue to accommodate a lot of people or staff, so we thought we could offer a low-key alternative. It’s a nice way to get to do weddings, but we make it simple,” Meyer says.
The Captain’s House Inn can accommodate parties of as many as six for elopement packages, which include a bouquet for the bride and a boutonniere for the groom, a small wedding cake, a bottle of champagne or sparkling cider, a $75 dinner gift certificate to a restaurant of your choice, digital photography and a CD of your wedding day photos and a full breakfast each morning.
Meyer says her hotel has list of justices of the peace who are available to perform the wedding ceremony.
Marriage law requires both members of a couple need to be at least 18 years old to marry. Massachusetts now also allows same sex marriages for out-of-state couples as well those living in the commonwealth.
If you’re looking for a romantic getaway for your honeymoon, consider the islands.
But there’s no need to go more than 1,000 miles – or even a thousand minutes – to find an island paradise to spend intimate time as a couple. Whether you want to do your traveling by car or plane or ferry, you have a lot of choices within a couple of hours of Cape Cod: Nantucket and Martha’s Vineyard, the Cape’s sister islands, are year-round destinations not only for tourists looking for a vacation retreat but also romantic spots for newlyweds to enjoy. Nantucket, a National Historic District, was well-known as a whaling port as early as the 17th century, and much of the island retains architectural and cultural roots that go back 350 years, as evidenced in its many seaside cottages and the old-fashioned lamps still lining its cobblestone Main Street.
Inland from the sprawling harbor, wild moors open. Nearly 40 percent of Nantucket is protected conservation land and the island is host to many rare species of plants and animals. Expansive sandy beaches await couples looking for a quiet sunset walks, and for the more adventurous, there is surfcasting for stripers and bluefish or charters for deep-sea fishing, windsurfing or sailing. A more easygoing afternoon might include a stroll through boutique shops, art galleries and museums, including the Whaling Museum of the Nantucket Historical Association. Martha’s Vineyard, New England’s largest resort island, is located seven miles from the coast of Cape Cod and features six towns on its nearly 100 square miles of island habitat and 125 miles of wild shorelines and scenic beaches. Inhabited originally by the Wampanoag Indians, the island gained attention due to the whaling industry in the 19th century, and in the 20th century became one of the most desirable tourism destinations in the country. It is accessible by plane, though many visitors opt for the ferry from Woods Hole, Falmouth, Hyannis, New Bedford or Nantucket and also in season from Quonset, R. I. Newport, R.I., a town of about 26,000 residents, is located about 30 miles south of Providence, on approximately 12 square miles of Aquidneck Island, accessible by car over the Newport Bridge, the largest suspension bridge in New England, as well as by boat and plane.
Known as the Sailing Capital of the World, Newport boasts breathtaking coastal scenery, a bustling, colorful waterfront downtown and the beauty of some of the oldest restored colonial homes and most luxurious mansions and enthralling boats in New England. Tours of the renowned Gilded Age Newport mansions that once were the summer playground for socialite families, including the Astors and Vanderbilts, are a year-round attraction, and the area offers a variety of other activities, from harbor cruises to boutique shopping, as well as three vineyards with afternoon wine-tastings. Also the home of the Naval Station Newport, which houses the U.S. Naval War College, the Naval Undersea Warfare Center and a large Navy training center, Newport is a maritime hub, imbued with an atmosphere of maritime history.
Still, the town is “not really commercial,” says MaryEllen Fitzpatrick, communications manager for the Newport, R.I., Convention and Visitor’s Bureau. There’s something about the “old building and cobblestone streets” that creates an especially romantic atmosphere – at any time of year. Newport offers everything from scores of bed-and-breakfast lodgings to luxury inns, day spas and an array of activities for couples whether they want a quiet, private setting, a harbor cruise or the seahore Cliff Walk.
A bit father out, Block Island lies just 12 miles off the coast and has been designated by the Nature Conservancy as “one of the last great places.” A splendid choice for those looking for quiet retreat on their honeymoon, the island has miles of free public beaches, dramatic bluffs and preserved open spaces. Originally inhabited by the Narragansett Indians, it was settled by the Dutch in 1614. In addition to its pristine natural beauty, Block Island offers exploration for history buffs intrigued by New England’s maritime and island agricultural history. The Block Island Historical Society houses permanent and special exhibits that chronicle Block Island's past, with exhibits displaying original pieces of furniture and other historical artifacts in the society's headquarters, an 1850 mansard-roof farmhouse. To the north of the Cape, one of the most romantic regions of the commonwealth is Cape Ann – from Mancester-by-the-Sea to Rockport, and embracing Gloucester and Ipswich. The area is a popular destination for those who are looking for the intimate feel of small New England seacoast towns. At land’s end lies Rockport, just 40 miles from Boston and accessible easily by car or train. A “quiet … secluded” town of about 8,000, it’s “very picturesque,” says Amy Pierson, a transplanted Vermont resident who manages the renowned Toad Hall Bookstore on Rockport’s Main Street. It’s a great place for couples to have some intimate time and space to themselves, because here, she says, “you’re away from it all.” Known as an artist’s community, Rockport – covering about 18 square miles – also provides access to beautiful beaches – both in town and in nearby Gloucester, of which it was originally a part. And it offers leisurely walking – or better, strolling – downtown, with numerous galleries and small shops. It’s the perfect place for a couple to look around and perhaps “search out a painting to commemorate their time,” says Pierson. Less than half an hour away is Manchester by-the-Sea – touted as Cape Ann’s “quiet community” – just 20 miles north of Boston. Covering little more than seven square miles and serving as home for about 5,500 residents, the town is most prominently a residential community. But it surrounds one of New England's most picturesque harbors, with small quaint shops, historic architecture, cozy dining spots and a lovely beach, accessible by train from Boston.
You want your wedding to be picture perfect, but that takes planning. The months before your wedding can be a time to dream of all the ways to make your special day – from the walk down the aisle to the wedding cake – just what you always wanted. But the time can get hectic, too, with so many details to attend to. Here’s a comprehensive wedding checklist to alert you – beforehand – to what you’ll need to remember:
Twelve to eight months before the wedding:
Announce your engagement, by telling family and friends and sending out engagement announcements, including newspaper or online announcements.
If you want to celebrate in a big way, arrange for engagement photographs and a party.
Have your families meet each other in a relaxed, comfortable atmosphere.
Envision the broad theme (religious or secular) and tone your wedding (for example, large or small; formal hotel or informal beach gathering). Pick preferences for your wedding date and time (afternoon or evening).
Determine your budget and division of expenses (who is paying or contributing to the cost of the wedding).
Determine size of your guest list and start compiling the names.
Book your reception site as soon as you find one. Don't assume any location will still be available two or three months later if you want to continue looking around. Remember: If you choose an outdoor site, you probably will have to arrange for tent and lighting rentals.
Visit the clergy and review synagogue or church requirements.
Finalize your wedding date and time after checking with your important guests, your preferred location, and minister or other officiant.
Book your caterer.
Reserve tables, chairs, china, and any other rental equipment you may need (unless your caterer is handling it for you).
Book your caterer, florist, musicians, photographer and/or videographer.
Plan ceremony and reception music, and begin looking into bands and DJs.
Determine where you will be staying and reserve your rooms.
Check into hotels and inns and book blocks of rooms for your guests.
Start looking for a baker to make your wedding cake. Check with caterer for recommendations.
Eight to four months before the wedding.
Choose your attendants and confirm that they can participate in the ceremony..
Choose your color theme and shop for bridesmaids dresses. Decide on the groomsmen's/bridegroom's attire.
Finalize arrangements for the church and ceremony.
Compile names and addresses for your final guest list.
Book DJ or band.
Make transportation arrangements for you and your family.
Plan your honeymoon.
Shop for wedding favors.
Send save-the-date announcements or call guests who live out-of-town who will need accommodations. Provide information about the location of the wedding, accommodations there, and transportation schedules, if they apply. Be sure to advise guests that rooms book quickly, and they should not put off finding a place to stay until the last minute.
Begin planning the wedding rehearsal and dinner.
Make all deposits and get all contracts signed for the services you require.
Compile ideas for your bridal registry.
Three to two months before the wedding
Choose gifts for attendants, parents and helpers.
Buy wedding rings.
Order the wedding cake. Buy cake knife, toasting glasses, and guest book.
Begin to shop for your trousseau.
Complete your bridal registry.
Book a hairstylist and/or makeup artist, if you will be using these services. Otherwise, experiment with friends on hair styles, makeover, etc.
Provide photographer with list of photos that you feel are musts at the wedding and reception. The clearer you are, the happier you’ll be with the final results.
Discuss and finalize the wedding menu with the caterer.
Write wedding vows and meet with officiant to discuss the ceremony.
Attend any bridal showers.
Mail invitations
Make appointments for blood tests, if required.
Apply for your marriage license.
Complete name-change documents.
Send wedding announcements to newspapers or online sites.
Address invitations/announcements and mail.
Order liquor, wine and/or champagne, if not included in catering contract.
The month of your wedding
Finalize details of every aspect of your wedding.
Write and print – or have printed – the wedding program.
Confirm with caterer, florist and other vendors and make honeymoon reservations.
Have final fittings for you and your attendant's dresses.
Ask friend or relative to take charge of guest book at the reception.
Arrange seating plan for reception and have nametags printed.
Pick up wedding rings.
Write thank-you notes as you receive gifts. This will save time and energy later.
Contact guests who have not responded or have family member or maid-of-honor handle this important detail.
Purchase gift for fiancé (not mandatory).
Complete your trousseau.
Pack for honeymoon.
Pick up your marriage license.
The week of the wedding
Pick up gown, attendants’ dresses and accessories. Break in your new shoes for the wedding, wearing them on carpets (or whatever surface might pose a challenge.
Confirm details with all participants and inform them of any changes.
Make sure you have all wedding attire, rings and marriage license.
Give final guest count to reception facility or caterer.
Get massage, manicure and pedicure.
Double-check wedding day appointments.
The day before the wedding
Pull together wedding gown, veil, shoes, and last minute emergency kit (aspirin, make-up, safety-pins, etc).
Deliver gifts to wedding party.
Drop off favors, guest book and pen at the reception site.
Have rehearsal and dinner.
Relax and get a good night's sleep.
Wedding Day
Have hair and make-up done.
Confirm with people you expect to give toasts at the reception.
Begin dressing two hours before ceremony is to begin.
-- Sources: Martha’s Vineyard Chamber of Commerce and about.com.
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when i got married. i wanted to look good on my honeymoon days and nights. my budget was under 300.00 per whatever accesories i bought or wanted to buy. i got tired of driving aroung to diffrent stores. and seeing the same thing. so i decided to shop online and be diffrent. i found this knock out website. that was very affordable and cheap. i needed some lingerie and shoes for the honeymoon. i highly recommmend www.Dimesinpieces.com
The best way to
avoid stress when planning your wedding is to be organized and plan ahead.
“My whole
philosophy is, if you’re a procrastinator and put everything off to the last
minute, you’re going to be really stressed out,” says wedding specialist Connie
Nye-Clark, owner of The Perfect Plan in Forestdale. “Why not book your vendors,
put your deposits down and rest for a couple of months?”
That sounds like a
good plan. To make things easier for you, here’s a rundown of when to do what.
One to two
years before the wedding: First you need to make some decisions about the type of wedding you would like
to have: Day or evening? Indoor or outdoor? Formal or casual? Once you have the
answers, set a realistic budget. Making out your guest list before you begin
researching venues will allow you to easily compare prices and see what options
are within your budget.
Wedding planner
Jamie Marie Burge, owner of Sea Mist Event Planning in Orleans, says you need to book your venue at
least a year in advance, and if you’re aiming for one of the hot-spot venues, a
year and a half to two years is better. If you will be having the ceremony at a
church, you need to book that as well and coordinate a date that both the
church and ceremony venue have open. The same advice applies if you will be
using a different officiant.
If you are doing a
tented reception, Burge recommends you book the tenting company and caterer
right after you book the venue. If you have a certain date in mind, you should
give yourself a year. If you can be more flexible with dates, most caterers,
like Casual Gourmet owner Olive Chase, can usually do it with six to eight months
notice.
The other thing
you need to book early is the photographer because the best ones’ calendars
fill up fast. Photographer Vince DeWitt recommends Cape
brides book at least a year in advance for summer weddings and 13 to 14 months
for September and October weddings, as those are the most popular months.
One year before
the wedding: Begin looking for a bridal gown and bridesmaids’ dresses now because most take
four to six months (or longer) to order depending on where they come from.
Aimee Guthinger, owner of Bedroom I’s Boutique in Osterville, suggests that
before you go shopping for a dress you get fitted for your foundation garments
so you can bring them when you try on dresses for an accurate view of the final
look.
Once you have your
dresses ordered and your colors selected, make an appointment with a florist to discuss flowers. Ask bands and DJs for samples of their work for you to listen to and book your
music. Figure out what other vendors you will need, such as lighting
specialists, videographers, limo, tables and chairs, etc.
If you need help
organizing your wedding, hire a wedding planner to assist you with all the
details and decisions.
Six months
before the wedding: If your guests will be traveling, Nye-Clark recommends sending “Save a Date”
magnets or cards so they can plan ahead and make reservations. This is also a
good time to order the wedding invitations. Elaine Arsanis, co-owner of Let’s
Party Cape and Islands in Hyannis,
makes custom invitations and says she can do rush orders, but really prefers a
few months’ notice.
It’s time for the
guys to get fitted for their tuxes. Henry Colleran, owner of Watson’s Men’s
Store in Orleans,
says that out-of-town guys should go to a store in their area get
professionally fitted and mail their measurements in.
Especially if you
have a large bridal party, Sara Gilman, wedding consultant at Oceanside Hair
and Spa in Brewster, recommends making your hair and makeup appointments; and
to keep matters simple and the number of phone calls down, also book any other
appointments like facials, massages, exfoliations, manicures and pedicures.
Start planning
your honeymoon and making reservations. Start looking at rings. Finish booking
all the rest of your vendors such as a venue for the rehearsal dinner, the limousine
and the wedding cake if it’s not included with your venue.
Check requirements
for blood tests and marriage licenses and make necessary
appointments.
Two months
before the wedding: Time to address and mail out the invitations. Buy or make favors and plan your
table decorations. Follow up with all your vendors to make sure everyone is
still on board.
One month
before the wedding: This is a good time for you and your bridesmaids to go into your bridal shop
for alterations. You shouldn’t do it too early because your weight may
fluctuate. Maria-Alice Pereira, co-owner of Chantilly’s Bridal in Hyannis, says her shop has
in-house seamstresses who can do the alterations the week of the wedding for
out-of-town brides; a month is good for locals.
This is also a
great time to do all the fun details like buying a garter, honeymoon lingerie,
stockings, bridal guest book, and travel bags for lingerie and shoes. Don’t
forget gifts for your bridesmaids and groomsmen.
By now most of
your reply cards will have come in. Follow up with any that didn’t and start
making a seating chart for the reception. Give your caterer or venue wedding
coordinator a final head count.
The final days: A week before the wedding, do a beauty day at the salon and have a massage,
exfoliation and trial hair appointment. The day before, get your manicure and
pedicure. Take a relaxing bubble bath and make sure to go to bed early so you
look your best.
The biggest slice
of a wedding budget is the reception. Even more important, the choice of venue
sets the theme of the entire wedding. That can make choosing the perfect venue
an anxiety-ridden search. The good news is that the folks who run venues across
the Cape really try to make the process as
easy as possible by offering inclusive packages, well-tested referral lists and
plenty of advice.
Shelly
Hippler-Conway, co-owner along with her chef-husband Bill Conway of the Captain
Linnell House and Gardens in Orleans, says she and her husband have tried to
eliminate all the things they hate at weddings they’ve attended, such as long
lines at the bar, cold food with bad sauces and servers who take your plate
away too soon.
She advises
couples to approach the task of choosing a venue with practicality first, then
emotion.
“I think they
should consider budget first and compare it with their guest list,”
Hippler-Conway says. “Some people get carried away with who they want to invite
and then they can’t afford to do that. So look at all the denominators: the
cost, the guest list, whether they love the site or not. You have to fall in
love with the place.”
The Captain
Linnell House is a restored French-neoclassic-villa-style mansion set on more
than 2 acres of gardens that have been restored to the year 1855 by
Hippler-Conway, who was a professional restoration gardener before she and her
husband bought the restaurant two decades ago. Picture cascades of wisteria,
indigenous plants like hydrangeas and lavender and enough roses that guests are
given rose petals to toss at the bride and groom at the end. The restaurant
closes for weddings so the wedding party has full use of the mansion and
grounds. Hippler-Conway estimates that about 30 percent of the wedding
ceremonies are done on site at the gazebo, with another 20 percent performed at
nearby Skaket Beach.
To keep things
simple they offer two packages, an hors d’oeuvres party or a sit-down dinner.
“We’re a foodie
bride’s restaurant. We’re really into balancing the hors d’oeuvres, dinner and
dancing, and the dinner is really, really special,” Hippler-Conway says. With a
pastry chef who makes wedding cakes on site, “Our package is a really inclusive
package. We try to think of everything that would stress out a bride and
groom.”
The Old Sea Pines
Inn in Brewster has a “Secret
Garden” for ceremonies
with a beautiful stone wall area with a greenery roof that used to be the
foundation for one of the buildings when the inn was a school.
“In the last five
years we’ve gone to doing 75 to 80 percent of the ceremonies on site now just
because it’s more convenient for people. You don’t have to travel,” says Donna
Kalinick, wedding manager at Old Sea Pines Inn.
Although it’s a
romantic idea to get married at the beach, Kalinick says most people don’t
consider the difficulties of finding a beach with plenty of parking or the fact
that greenheads will be buzzing around their guests in July.
“Part of your job
as a wedding coordinator is that people come to the table with a certain number
of ideas and you want to try to get their dream wedding for them, but you also
want to advise them as to what is reasonable and what’s going to work versus
what’s not going to work,” she says.
Old Sea Pines Inn
offers inclusive, flexible packages. Couples can choose from 10 menus and
sit-down service, family style, buffets, indoor station receptions, brunches
and lobster bakes.
Kalinick says the
median age of their brides is close to 30, and these more mature brides don’t
necessarily want to follow tradition. They like to set the tone of their own
wedding and things like receiving lines and even wedding cakes are starting to
go out of fashion with couples choosing cupcakes or desserts instead.
As for cost,
Kalinick says, “You’ve got to decide what is realistic for you to spend and
then find the best-case scenario for that.”
Budget is the first thing couples should consider when choosing a venue,
according to Bill Zammer, owner Cape Cod Restaurants Inc., which does more than
400 weddings a year at three different wedding venues: the Coonamessett Inn in Falmouth, the Flying Bridge Restaurant on Falmouth Harbor and The Clubhouse at Pinehills
Golf Club.
“As long as they
are realistic, we can work with their budget,” Zammer says. Each venue has a
function coordinator who sits down with couples to help them plan the perfect
wedding. Most couples have already downloaded the menus and price list from the
restaurants’ Web site, Zammer says, so it is just a matter of deciding which
menu fits their budget.
They do two basic
styles of receptions: An elaborate cocktail party with hors d’oeuvres and
stations, or a traditional sit-down dinner with a cocktail party to start.
Cape Cod Restaurants
Inc. also offers a package Zammer calls “The Perfect Wedding,” which includes a
rehearsal dinner the night before, the wedding reception the day of, and brunch
the day after.
“We do a lot of
on-site weddings,” Zammer says. “Each place has a spot. We have a garden
setting at the Coonamessett Inn overlooking the pond. Up at the Flying Bridge
we have a beautiful setting with a tent overlooking Falmouth Harbor.
And at the Pinehills country club we have another garden which is really pretty
with flowers and a gazebo.”
For a truly unique
wedding, about 20 couples a year decide to get married at Heritage
Museum and Gardens in Sandwich.
“We have a couple of different venues,” says Cristoff Shay, director of visitor
services and wedding planner for the museum. “We have our Windmill Garden.
It’s the most popular. The Sundial
Garden, which is
surrounded by thousands of day lilies. And then we have what’s called our
Parade Field, which is our largest outdoor area. That’s surrounded by Shawme
Pond and hydrangeas.”
After an outdoor garden ceremony, the reception can be held in the J.K. Lilly
III Antique
Auto Museum, which can accommodate a sit-down dinner for 150 or a cocktail party for up to
300. Their exclusive caterer is The Casual Gourmet in Centerville, and Shay does everything he can
to make it easy on the bride, including calling the museum’s preferred vendors
to set things up.
There are shuttles
to move guests around the grounds, and a Rolls-Royce golf cart for the bride
and groom. A bridal suite stocked with champagne and flowers has a full
bathroom and bridal mirrors for pre-ceremony preparations.
Grooms love the
setting with antique cars, but Shay says brides also fall in love with the
space. One bride draped fabric around the rotunda and placed Christmas lights
inside so that when people dining below looked up, it looked like a starry
night.
“A lot of the
brides haven’t been to the museum before,” Shay says. “They do an Internet
search and they see the beautiful grounds and then when they get here they’re
just awestruck. A hundred acres of rhododendrons, day lilies, hydrangeas – it’s
just an awe-inspiring site for people who love gardens or automobiles.”
For couples
looking for a smaller or more casual wedding experience, Dave Schermacher,
owner of Ptown Parties, offers wedding planning and catering services at a
variety of locations. For weddings with about 50 guests, rental homes are a
great option.
“We have about three that we like to use a lot in Provincetown because they have large decks
that can be tented. But there’s also some bigger ones out in Truro,” he says.
He also plans
tented receptions at Provincetown Monument and does outdoor weddings at several public
beaches in Provincetown and Truro.
“We do a lot of
the parties on the beach,” Schermacher says. “Last year our kitchen was located
at the Top Mast Resort so that’s a nice spot because you get the sunsets over Provincetown. When you’re
at Herring Cove, which is beautiful, you’re looking at the sunset over the
water.”
Ptown Parties
features creative menus with hot and cold, passed and stationary hors d’oeuvres
that can be prepared on site or delivered ready made. They also offer a buffet
menu and a very popular New England clambake
on the beach. For clambakes they provide enough firewood to last the evening,
lay out blankets, provide tiki torches and wind sails for ambiance and serve
the food from a linen-draped buffet.
“A really fun
place is the Blue Sea Motor Inn,” Schermacher says. “What’s really neat there
is they are in the part of Truro that’s on the
bend to Provincetown,
so their beach is huge. We’ve been able to do a clambake wedding reception for
over a hundred people right on the beach, tented so all the guests were in bare
feet the whole time.”
Other things to think about
Rain or shine
The old adage that if it
rains on your wedding day your marriage will last forever is of little
comfort to a bride who plans an outdoor ceremony without a contingency plan
in case of rain or inclement weather. Most venues with outdoor wedding sites
also have a backup indoor space that can be made available at the last
minute.
At the Captain Linnell
House and Gardens in Orleans
the ceremony can be moved into the ballroom, which can accommodate 200
people. They’ve only had to do this four times in 20 years, says co-owner
Shelly Hippler-Conway. Heritage Museum
and Gardens in Sandwich has had similar good
luck. Director of visitor services Cristoff Shay says they have never had a
wedding rained out, but he still recommends that couples put a tent on
reserve just in case.
Donna Kalinick, wedding
manager at Old Sea Pines Inn in Brewster, says weddings are moved from the
garden area to a large covered porch if it rains. Last November they had a
wedding planned for the evening of the hurricane and, sure enough, the
electricity went out 10 minutes before the ceremony was scheduled to begin.
They ended up doing the ceremony in the living room in front of the fireplace
with beautiful oil lamps lighting the room. Old Sea Pines Inn has a generator
so the kitchen staff could cook the food; the couple, who were local, ran
home and got their own generator for the band.
“They said they will
always remember it because they have this really great story,” Kalinick says.
“They had dinner and danced by candlelight. It was truly a candlelit
reception.”
Her best advice to brides
is to plan ahead as best you can and then let go and enjoy the day because
you’re not going to be able to relive it. You have to trust whoever you chose
to do your wedding and know they will do their best to make your day as special
as possible.
Don’t forget those
permits
Many
towns require permits before you can get married on the beach. Check with
your wedding planner to see if your destination does. Most wedding planners
will provide all the necessary forms, but you need to fill them out yourselves
and pay a small fee depending on the town.
The bridal industry for a long time has been
slow to make changes when it comes to outfitting brides. Women hoping to wow
guests on their special day are often left to tout a colorful sash, a concentrated
pattern of rhinestones or an Empire waist. Hardly a celebration of one’s
individuality.
But in a dramatic turn of events, the spring
2008 bridal fashion arrived full of promise and significant changes. The
tried-and-true formula of billowing dresses and long trains is being replaced
by edgier looks that transcend traditional bridal garb.
Dress styles are making brides feel
contemporary, says Meredith Lane,
owner of Meredith’s Bridal Boutique in Mashpee Commons. The new, more
sophisticated and enhanced look incorporates more layers of lace rather than
beading or embellishments and adds a couture bolero jacket made of an Alençon
lace to match the gown.
Yolanda Cellucci, owner of The Event Center
at Yolanda’s in Waltham,
says designers have created a niche for two new bridal extremes: the mermaid
and the baby-doll look. The major trends right now are body-conscious, like the
mermaid figure, or the high Empire-waist, baby-doll dress. A lot of the angled
ruching and layering effect from tiered fabric is being designed to actually
make the bride look slimmer, Cellucci says, adding that designer dresses by
Badgley Mischka, for example, and Kirstie Kelly for Disney are offering brides
these choices and also complementing them with beautiful bridesmaid styles.
Kelly draws on a bride’s fantasy of walking
down the aisle in a fairy-tale wedding and makes that dream come true, but with
a modern spin. The heroines of classic tales like Sleeping Beauty and Jasmine
from “Aladdin” comprise her line, Disney Fairy Tale Weddings, launched by
Disney in the spring of 2007. Kelly uses the expertise she developed from her
studies at the Parsons School of Design in Los Angeles to make a happy marriage of sheer
netting cut away at the shoulder, refined trumpet skirts and the blending of
chiffon and satin.
Cellucci says many of her brides come in
searching for a look that puts them on a pedestal but not by emulating what
their mothers looked like clad in tulle headpieces and full skirts for their
weddings. Today’s bride wants to be significant and will try every venue to
achieve her look. Unfortunately, what the bride typically brings in to her
boutique – torn magazine pages and clipped examples that seemingly have no
rhyme or reason – actually creates more problems when it comes to achieving a
look the bride envisions.
“The average woman tries on 35 dresses or
more ... because they’re so confused. They pick up an issue of InStyle or
Modern Bride, even J. Crew, and brides (become) very confused (about) how they
want to look,” says Cellucci. “Brides not wanting to spend over $1,000 on a
dress are horrified to see most of the prices average $5,000 to $6,000.”
But that’s the dollar figure for the modern
dream wedding, and many brides – or their parents – are willing to invest it to
make sure the day matches the vision of a perfect wedding.
“As far as color goes, more brides are
choosing blush as the color of their gown. It’s a soft, romantic color
that doesn’t photograph as pink as one would think and is a great color for
women with dark hair and fair skin or strawberry blondes,” says Lane. Other
noteworthy trends include the wedge shoe – which avoids the problem of a high
heel sinking into the ground or sand – perfect for garden or beach weddings.
Aimee Guthinger, owner of Bedroom I’s
Lingerie in Osterville, says that regardless of anything trendy, the solution
to many bridal-garb woes will be simple – start with the right piece of
underpinnings.
“I wholeheartedly suggest that a bride come
to be fitted for the undergarment prior to selecting the dress. It
actually makes dress shopping so much easier if they are wearing a
convertible/versatile seamless foundation ahead of time. Most do not
tackle the job this way, because, let’s face it, these ladies are not waiting
for that proposal to go foundation shopping. They want to focus on the
dress, and who can blame them, right?” says Guthinger. But the right
undergarment also helps avoid the possible disappointment of falling in love
with a dress that in the end just will not work.
“We have seen this happen a few times in the
past few years, and in truth, I hate to admit that it does, but there is only
so much a foundation can accomplish. If the dress has specific openings or
the fabric is too sheer, it can become an impossible challenge ... to get
the lift and support necessary to wear the dress well,” says Guthinger.
After finding the wedding dress for their
big day, brides have another part of the equation to solve – dresses for their
bridesmaids. And for those women, Lane says, “it’s all about the bubble skirt
this season.”
“It’s a great look for the bride who wants
her maids to wear cocktail dresses,” Lane says. “But the bubble skirt is just
more fun than the plain tea-length that has ruled for the past three seasons.”
Some brides let the maids show their own personality by allowing each to choose
her own dress.
Charlene Colon at Sposabella Bridal says
bridesmaids are getting a voice of their own in wedding decisions. Although
most brides still have the final say as to color and style, their bridesmaids
frequently are more willing to exert their opinions.
“One of the most-asked maid questions is
what color to put the maid and matron of honor in. Should they put her in the
same color as the other bridesmaids or just choose a different dress style or
different floral arrangement for her?” But ultimately, Colon says, the bride makes the final
decision.
Although the second-most important person in
the wedding, the groom, is often overlooked and pigeonholed for a traditional
tux, most people would agree that a classic look is the most handsome.
Emma Gauvin, manager of Mr. Perry’s Tux,
says the best bet for a groom is something clean-cut, well-fitted and suited to
his physical dimensions. “Think George Clooney,” Gauvin says. “He looks great
in a tux, and it’s not because he’s George Clooney. It’s because his stylist
knows traditional style, and great quality is how to make a statement.”
Cape couples – and their caterers – are having fun with wedding
menus these days. In a new twist on surf and turf, for example, a recent
wedding reception at the Cape Codder Resort and Spa in Hyannis featured lobster risotto cake topped
with a petite filet next to half a butter-poached lobster surrounded by baby
vegetables, according to food and beverage director Bobby Gold.
Even the dessert
menu is up for grabs. For one couple who preferred ice cream to cake, Cathy
Cugini, co-owner of Treats Catering and the Dennis Inn,
constructed a castle out of tiered ice cream cones stacked upside down. Guests
grabbed a cone and the wait staff filled it with ice cream in the flavor of
choice.
Other couples turn
to family history. Olive Chase, owner of the Casual Gourmet in Centerville, has dished an Italian
grandmother’s famous secret meatball recipe and other family favorites up at
weddings she’s catered.
“Food is something
that we as human beings use to help mark and celebrate occasions, and a wedding
is the formation of a new family,” Chase says. “So if you can take some of the
best that came from the two families that are melding together, you make the
celebration more meaningful.”
To that end, Chase
has no set menus. Instead she sits down with each couple and asks them what
food would make their celebration special to them. For some it’s a menu that
marries various regional foods the couple grew up with. Others choose foods
from places they’ve traveled or special occasions. While food choices are as unique as each couple, all three chefs have noticed
one definite trend: a return to the plated, sit-down dinner. The most popular
choice is some version of surf and turf with a lot of really fun appetizers and
desserts.
“Most of our
high-end weddings have been plated dinners,” Gold says. “We used to do station
buffets, but no matter how far away you put them, it ends up being one big,
long buffet line around the room. People just don’t get the concept of going to
a station, getting a taste and then going to your table to eat it. They tend to
get in line and fill up their plate.”
Even if couples
choose to have stations, Chase says, they are much more interactive. She offers
a “make your own chowder” station where guests choose from ingredients like
clams, scallops, shrimp, corn, dill, tomatoes and sweet potatoes. The chef adds
chowder base, cooks it on the spot in an individual pan and pours it into a
mug.
To make a sit-down
dinner more interesting, she might serve a tasting trio instead of a salad.
“Tasting trios are very popular now,” Chase says. “You’d have a plate
with just three little tastes on it, just a little bit.”
After the sit-down
dinner, Chase likes to get people up and moving for the dessert course.
Couples are supplementing wedding cakes with things like chocolate fountains,
mini ice-cream cones and beautifully presented couture desserts.
At Treats Catering
and the Dennis Inn, Cugini has noticed a trend toward
small plates and tapas. “People aren’t committed to trying a whole bunch of
something that’s new to them,” she says. “We’re a little adventurous in hors
d’oeuvres for the same reason. You might have a broadly appealing menu for
dinner and then get adventurous with the little nibbly things that come
beforehand.”
During the
cocktail hour there’s something stationary like a raw bar with fresh East
Dennis oysters or an artisan cheese display. At the same time there are
butlered hors d’oeuvres like vegetarian spring rolls and Moroccan lamb pies.
“Another idea is
doing something that’s unexpected – something you’re used to seeing, but not at
a wedding, like little hamburgers or anything that is out of context for
people,” Cugini says.
After dinner
she’ll set up several dessert stations like chocolate fondue and candy stations
with apothecary jars filled with colorful penny candy. But Cugini still loves
to see a wedding cake. “I like a cake that reflects the couple and maybe
something else, a signature sweet,” Cugini says. “We do Linzer hearts, little
tarts, dipped strawberries, things like that.”
At the Cape Codder,
Gold has found that couples have very distinct tastes and want their wedding
food to be a reflection of their style.
“We have a wedding
coming up and we’re doing a beautiful ice carving of a heart with some doves on
the top and it’s going to be made into a luge,” he says. “The bride and groom
have come up with this signature martini that they’re going to have specially
made for them. If you want a martini, we’re going to mix the martini and pour
it into the luge and then put the martini glass down at the bottom as it comes
through.”
For dessert,
couples are jazzing up the wedding cake with sauces on the plate. At one recent
wedding the couple chose a spice cake that was nestled on top of butterscotch
sauce with a chocolate covered strawberry on the side.
“We
have another wedding coming up where they didn’t want to have a big dessert so
we’re going to serve the wedding cake but then about 20 minutes later she wants
to go around with little cordials and put out a really fancy cheese platter,”
Gold says. “So we’re going to do dipped dried fruits and strawberries and then
I have some artisan cheeses coming from France
and Italy
and we’re going to do a really nice warm raisin almond bread to have with the
cheeses. I’d rather have that than a piece of wedding cake.”
Choosing the
perfect wedding dress can seem like a daunting task, but according to Charlene
Colon, owner of Sposabella Bridal in Hyannis,
about 90 percent of brides actually end up buying one of their first three
choices. Unfortunately a lot of brides don’t believe that can possibly be true,
and many end up trying on dress after dress which really just leads to
confusion.
“For most brides
it’s very overwhelming, but it’s only as overwhelming as you make it – because
you want it to be fun,” Colon
says, advising, “You should take one or two friends with you. Don’t take six
people because the opinions start flying and then the poor bride can’t even
make her own decision.”
Colon says current styles tend
to be a little more simple, lightweight and elegant. “It’s definitely more
about the fabric right now. They’re looking for silk,” she says.
When it comes to
design, sheath styles that are a slightly more fitted are popular, and the
traditional A-line always sells because it looks good on every body type. There
are also side-sweep gowns that gather the fabric at one side, or sometimes both
sides, which hide a multitude of body flaws.
Sposabella Bridal
sees a lot of dresses with little cap sleeves that create a very pretty
portrait neckline. For color, very few brides choose traditional white. Instead they opt for
ivories and champagnes. “Ivory is very flattering to pretty much all of the
skin tones. There are not really a lot of people who can wear white,” Colon explains.
Maria-Alice
Pereira, co-owner of Chantilly’s Bridal in Hyannis, says she’s noticed that straight
lines are in and pouf is out. “They seem to be going for lace and they like
silks,” she says.
Another very popular
style is to add a little color with a sash or a band. Claret is the No. 1 color
Chantilly’s has done, especially in December
and July. One best-selling dress has a claret band in the front with peeks of
color in the folds in the back of the dress. “There’s a lot of beach weddings and they don’t want to go too, too formal,” Pereira says. “They like
elegance, but not necessarily with all the heavy beading and all that. Simple
elegance.”
For beach weddings
many brides are choosing strapless gowns, and some are opting for shorter
dresses and trains that won’t drag in the sand.
Even though the
styles are simpler these days, veils have made a big comeback, according to Colon. “We’re doing more
with a simple one layer because a lot of girls don’t like to wear them all day,
so this way they can pop them right out,” she says. “Some girls are still going
with cathedral, which is the full-length veil, but not as much as the shorter
veil. A couple of girls are asking for the bird cage, which is an open-weave
veil that just kind of covers the eyes and the nose.”
The rest of the bridal party
Both Colon and Pereira
say the old promise that you can actually rewear a bridesmaid gown is finally
true. A lot of the styles are tea length and are more simple than the bows and
beads of years past, and fabrics are lighter, like silk dupioni or taffeta. “These are more of a cocktail-style dress,” Colon says. “Some of your more formal
weddings are doing the gownsm but the fabrics are becoming a lot softer and
more flowy, so it’s not the standard bridesmaid dress.”
Trendy colors at Chantilly’s Bridal are burnt orange, brown and claret.
“The color depends on the season,” Pereira
says. “We try to tell them that season doesn’t matter, but they still try to go
that route. In summer they choose lighter colors.”
At Sposabella
Bridal, Colon
has seen a lot of chocolate paired with either blue or pink. Blue remains
a perennial favorite, especially in late summer when brides are trying to match
hydrangeas.
Attire for flower
girls depends on the child’s age. “If they’re young, they still kind of mimic
the bride, kind of like a mini me, very close in style,” Colon says. “If the flower girl is a little
bit older, say 7 or 8, then they tend to mimic the bridesmaid, matching colors
back to the bridesmaids.”
Girls who are 11
or 12 are considered junior bridesmaids, and to accommodate them companies are
now creating bridesmaids’ styles in junior sizes.
Mothers’ dresses
are a bit more fashionable than they used to be. Colon says these should be chosen after the
bridesmaids’ gowns so they can complement the color scheme and flow with the
bridal party.
Let’s not
forget the grooms
Even though the
men wear the tuxes, the brides call the shots as far as color and style in most
weddings, according to Henry Colleran, owner of Watson’s Men’s Store in Orleans. “However,
I have actually found some of the colors guys don’t want to really go with
(are) a tangerine or a hot pink,” he says. “They would rather go with a silver
or a black that will coordinate with the color.” Tuxedos remain popular and black is still the No. 1 color choice. The
traditional notched lapel has been a mainstay for years, but Colleran has seen
a little interest in the peak lapel.
“A peak lapel is
one that goes up to a point, as opposed to a notch, which is a traditional
lapel,” he says. “I’ve been watching some of the more traditional award
ceremonies and the peak lapel has been making a pretty good presence. I don’t
know if it will creep into New England, but
looks like it is making a little bit of a push.”
In large wedding
parties, the groom should be differentiated in some way from the rest of his
attendants. For example, if everyone wears a black vest and tie, the groom
wears a silver vest and tie, or vice versa.
One important tip
for the photographs: Unless the bride is wearing white (and not many do), the
guys should wear ivory shirts if they aren’t going with a color. “If the bride
chooses an off-white gown, and you take a picture and the guys have these white
shirts on, sometimes the shirts pop white and all of a sudden the bride’s gown
looks not quite as crisp,” Colleran says.
For garden or
beach weddings, menswear tends to be a lot less formal. Colleran says they do a
lot of what he calls “Cape Cod Wedding,” which pairs a navy blazer with khaki
pants.
“A
lot of people don’t want to have it quite as formal. And that’s a nice contrast
to the tuxedos. But tuxedos are still very, very important and very popular.”
A gorgeous dress
goes along way toward making a bride feel glamorous, but true radiance comes
from the perfect finishing touches. Aimee Guthinger, owner of Bedroom I’s
Boutique in Osterville, ruefully points out that brides have a tendency to
forget that what’s underneath can really affect how a dress looks.
“Most girls don’t
wait their whole life to get fitted for a bra,” she says. “They wait their
whole life to pick out a dress. It would actually be a much better thing if
they were to pick out the foundations first and then go shopping with it on.
It’s like what comes first, the chicken or the egg?”
In her experience,
most brides do the opposite. They find a dress they love and then try to find a
way to make it work. While that is possible in most cases, there are a few
instances where brides are disappointed. That said, Guthinger advises brides
who have already bought their dresses not to despair. Just be sure to bring the
dress in when being fitted for foundation garments.
Many brides choose
bustiers rather than bras because they feel more secure, Guthinger says, noting
a wedding dress can be quite heavy and feel as if it is pulling. The most
popular bustier is Le Mystere because it has a sweetheart plunge in the front
and is low in the back. It also comes down far over the stomach so there are no
bulges or pouches when the bride sits down.
For bottoms, most
brides choose something smoothing so there is a seamless look for the
photographs. If the wedding gown has a lot of layers, a popular choice is a
lacy bottom for a more feminine (code word in the industry for sexy) look. For
brides who are not the blushing kind, powder blue thongs accomplish two things
at once – a sexy bottom and something blue. Bedroom I’s has an embroidery
service so brides can surprise their hubbies with their new Mrs. names
embroidered on the front of the thong. Ooh la la!
Garters are big
last-minute items, and the biggest sellers are ones with blue ribbons on them.
But they are just for fun, especially since many Cape
brides don’t wear stockings or hose at all.
“A lot of times it
comes down to shapewear, because the dresses are so clingy these days that
people really need something that’s going to give them a smooth finish,”
Guthinger says.
To that end there
are capri-length body wraps with both regular and high waists and bandless hose
that offer a smooth line. There are also pantyhose with thong-style toes to
accommodate open-toed shoes.
Once your
undergarments are picked out, it’s time to plan your skin, hair and
makeup. Sara Gilman, wedding coordinator at Oceanside Hair and Spa in
Brewster, offers some great tips for making sure brides glow on their wedding
day. “If they’re doing facials they probably want to start those six months prior to
the wedding date, once a month, to get their skin in good shape, and hopefully
no blemishes show up from the stress,” she says.
To avoid
crunch-time stress, she recommends having a massage and exfoliation within a
week of the wedding. For brides who want an extra glow, the salon offers a
tanning bed and booth and also does spray tanning.
Manicures and
pedicures are done the day before the wedding to give them time to set.
The most common choices for brides are French manicures on both fingers and
toes or shades of pink.
Since the bride’s
hairstyle is so important to the look she will convey, Gilman recommends that
brides have a trial appointment before the big day if there’s time.
“It’s better if
they can get in here before the wedding to make sure they’re going to like what
they get done, because a lot of times they change their mind a couple of
times,” she says. “And it’s good to just see it on you because you never really
know how it’s going to transpose from a photo to your head.”
A current popular
hairstyle is side-swept bangs with a little volume on the crown. A lot of
brides with longer hair are opting for a half-up and half-down hairdo with a
lot of curls.
“Definitely bring
your veil with you for your trial, and on the day of bring whoever is going to
be taking it out if you do take it out for the reception. You want to make sure
they know how to get it out without ruining your hair,” she advises. Another important tip is to be sure you are wearing a button-down shirt so you
don’t mess up your hair when it’s time to change into your wedding gown.
Oceanside Hair and
Spa also does a full makeup service that is popular with brides and bridal
parties. Mineral makeup is their first choice because it’s pure pigment and has
anti-aging benefits for the skin.
“Most brides will
say that they want very natural makeup,” Gilman says. “Sometimes if it’s an
evening wedding we’ll do more of the smoky eyes and a little bit deeper
pigments, but most want natural earth tones.”
Foundation is a
must so your complexion looks perfect in the photos. That’s followed by powder,
and either a blush or bronzer or a little of both. Gilman mixes a few colors
for eye shadows and recommends a little eyeliner and, especially with blondes,
some eyebrow highlighting so their expressions show up well. Finish with a
flattering lipstick with a little gloss for shine, and always use lip liner for
longer-lasting coverage.
For touch-ups
throughout the day, Gilman recommends that brides keep lipstick, deodorant and
powder in their purses.
Since wedding vows are arguably the most
important vows we take in life, many couples are drawn to the idea of
personalizing them, if not writing them themselves. The latter is not always
possible, and the extent to which a wedding service can be personalized depends
on who officiates. In the Roman Catholic Church, for example, the Mass of
Christian marriage is a sacrament and cannot be altered.
Protestant churches have a little more
leeway, but still make it clear that a wedding is a covenant. Rev. Michael
Davis, pastor of Eastham
United Methodist
Church, explains what
this means to couples when they come for their initial consultation because he
wants them to understand the importance of the ceremony.
“It’s basically promises,” he says. “Usually
we talk about commitment and relationships and what happens when things get
tough – because they will.”
Davis explains the difference between eros, the Greek word
for passionate love, and agape, the word for Christian love that Paul was
talking about in Corinthians.
“If this guy sitting over there on the sofa
suddenly gets sick and you have to take care of him, there may be days when you
don’t have much eros, but agape will see you through. That’s the whole
idea.” Davis
says. “It’s the deeper love that we believe is given us through Christ so we
can love unconditionally. I have pretty good response with folks around that.
People like to talk about that stuff.”
For the ceremony itself, Davis says that some couples prefer to stick
to the original words that have been spoken since 1536, when the Archbishop of
Canterbury Thomas Cranmer wrote a lot of the language still used in weddings.
This option can be symbolic for couples, as using the same words their parents
and grandparents spoke connects them to family tradition.
“I’ll go through it with them so that we’ve
explored the meanings, picked the scripture lessons that will be read and talk
about the concepts in the scripture lessons and then put it together,” Davis says.
Ways to personalize a ceremony in the
Methodist church include the choice of readings, music and within guidelines,
writing your own vows. When a couple wants to write their own vows, Davis gives them a book,
“Words for Your Wedding” by David Glusker and Peter Misner, to inspire and
guide them.
“I think really the idea of it being
personal and meaningful is the motivation that I hear from couples. And
sometimes it’s surprising how traditional what they write will be,” Davis says.
Rev. Faith Lavender, an interfaith minister
in Brewster, says while she does have some people decide to write their own
vows, it is a small percentage. She tells couples they shouldn’t feel pressured
to write their own vows because there are plenty of beautiful vows out there to
choose from. In her 10 years performing marriage ceremonies she has saved every
vow she has come across and now has quite a large collection.
“To me it’s more important that the vows be
truthful than original,” Lavender says. “These are the most important words and
they should really be words that you can live by, not just sound good. So
really think about what it is you’re saying and promising to your partner.”
She reminds people who are considering
writing their own vows that there are accompanying issues to consider. For
instance, instead of repeating vows after her, personal vows are usually
written on a card and read to the partner. She never recommends trying to
memorize the vows because it creates too much pressure.
“Your emotions are already in a very
heightened state so keep in mind that you’ve got to read this to your partner
and sometimes the more personal vows are a lot harder to get through,” she
says, citing the case of one bride who was struggling so hard through tears
that her 5-year-old daughter asked, “Mommy, do you want me to read it for you?”
Another option Lavender recommends to
couples who want to write personal vows is to write a promise letter instead.
The couple then shares the promise letter privately on their wedding night or
honeymoon.
“That way they can say really personal
things to one another that only they would be hearing and still accomplish the
same goal,” she says. “And then that’s something that they can keep and they
can take out years from now.”
There are plenty of other ways to make a
wedding personal. At every ceremony that Lavender performs, she tells the
couple’s love story. She has the bride and groom write down how they met and
fell in love and the qualities that attracted them to each other. She then
combines the stories for the ceremony. It is usually a favorite portion of the
ceremony for both the couple and their guests.
When Lavender officiated at the wedding of
Amanda and Patrick Hough last June at the Dennis Yacht Club they loved the
personal touches that made the ceremony theirs. In addition to the love story,
Lavender likes to add rituals to keep the ceremony interactive. One popular
ritual that replaces the unity candle in outdoor ceremonies is the blending of
the sand. The couple each has a container of sand that represents their
individual lives and they combine the sand representing their new life as one.
“We love the beach, so I picked Dowse’s
Beach in Osterville because that’s the childhood beach that I grew up going to
and then my husband picked the sand from West Dennis Beach because that’s where
he went and that’s where we were getting married,” Hough says.
Lavender then has the combined sand sealed
in a glass triangle with leaded metal seams so it becomes a memento the couple
can keep forever.
Right after the blending of the sand, the
Houghs performed a ritual from the Celtic tradition called sharing the loving
cup. They drank to the love they’ve shared in the past, the love they shared on
their wedding day and the love they will share in the future. They then saved
the glass and will drink from the loving cup each anniversary and eventually
pass it down to their children to use in their own ceremonies.
“We had relatives say they had never been to
a more personal ceremony than ours,” Hough says.
The more things change, the more they stay
the same.
Bridal fashion might be undergoing a big
transformation this year, moving toward more modern looks, but one tradition
seems to be as popular as ever: grooms down on one knee, surprising their
brides-to-be with rings.
A lot of guys still want to surprise the
girl, because they really love the surprise factor, says Dennis jewelry
designer Ross Coppelman, who says his designs of white gold, platinum and his
favorite, high-karat gold, are often geared toward the bride and groom who want
something a little different.
Taste, says Coppelman, is something you
absorb from culture around you, so when it comes to trendy rings, his clientele
prefers a unique, inspired design rather than what you might see in bridal
magazines. And he prefers it that way, too, with diamonds in heirloom settings
and his signature
Ocean Collection for both
men and women.
Chris Bergeron, manager of AJ Marks Jewelers
of Hyannis and Wareham,
says it’s common for couples to come in together to buy their rings.
“I see (fewer) men venturing out alone to
buy a ring, because today’s bride is so much more certain about what she wants
and doesn’t want,” he says.
White metals, 17-karat white and platinum
rings are sought-after in his store and are often snatched up by women who want
them with pavé settings and engagement rings styled to match.
Brides, Bergeron says, love the very, very
bright look.
As the average age
of brides gets older, many marriages are about more than the joining of two
people. Instead they create a new family unit, and including the children
in the ceremony is a wonderful way to celebrate that fact.
The Rev. Kathleen
Geagan, an interfaith minister in Brewster, estimates that about half of her
weddings are for blended families. As joyful as these celebrations are,
she believes parents need to be sensitive to their children’s emotions – both
the good and the bad – surrounding the big day.
“Parents should
remember that for the children it isn’t necessarily the happiest day of their
lives because the fantasy of their mom and dad getting back together is now
over,” she says. “At the same time, once you start including them, it just
helps so much to have them feel a part of it.”
In deciding how to
include children in the ceremony, Geagan advises letting the kids come up with
some ideas of their own about how they would like to participate and to keep it
simple.
“Keep the
atmosphere light, with a sense of humor and not solemn to the point that people
are more nervous than they should be,” she says. “You can make it
meaningful without making it complicated.”
The Rev. Denis
Meacham, associate minister at First Parish Brewster, says he loves to do
weddings for blended families; he encourages people to create as much of the
service as they are comfortable with. His favorite way to include children
is to let them write something they can read at the service.
“I remember one
service, there were three kids who were young teenagers and they each wrote a
little piece about their new family,” he says. “We made a place in the
service around the time of the vows so they had both the vows from the couple
and the vows from the children about how they felt about their commitment to
this new family. It was beautiful.” In another wedding service, one from each side played a piano duet they had
created together, Meacham says. Recently he officiated at a service where the
kids held the rings and then brought them up at the appropriate time and
presented them to the opposite-side parent. Other families light unity
candles where the children each have their own candle, as do the bride and
groom, and they blend the family as they light the candles together.
“The main thing is
encouraging as much participation as possible,” Meacham says. “Whatever the
kids feel comfortable doing and the parents feel comfortable doing, we’re certainly
comfortable doing.”
When Elizabeth and
Keith Pearson were married last summer, Geagan officiated at a ceremony that
included Keith’s two children from a previous marriage, 10-year-old Madison and
13-year-old Chris.
“We’d been dating
for about five years before we got married and it had always been important to
us to include the kids,” Elizabeth Pearson says.
Her husband came
up with the idea to present jewelry to the children at the ceremony, and the
kids wanted to give something to welcome their new stepmother as
well. They bought Chris a tie tack shaped like a lacrosse stick with his
birthstone and a birthstone necklace for Madison. For
Elizabeth, they
chose a necklace with both children’s birthstones. Elizabeth
presented the tie tack to Chris and Keith gave the necklace to Madison
and then Chris put the necklace around Elizabeth’s
neck.
“They appreciated
the fact that we didn’t just say you can be the ring bearer and you can be the
flower girl,” Pearson says. “I think they liked the fact that they got to
do something a little unique.”
Both Geagan and
Meacham note that not all kids are comfortable being in the spotlight; when
that’s the case it is best to give the children jobs that keep them a part of
things, like seating people or handing out the wedding programs at the door. The rehearsal is a great time to assess the child’s comfort level, but Geagan
cautions that it is also a time when kids might reveal some of their inner
conflicts about the wedding or misbehave – and that’s OK. It’s better to
have them explore these emotions at the rehearsal than at the ceremony.
“I’ve seen it
happen over and over again that the kids show up for the rehearsal and they’re
kind of looking around like, ‘What’s going on?’ and the parents are thinking
this is going to be a disaster,” she says. “I just say, ‘Let it all happen
tonight,’ and sure enough they get in their beautiful dresses and their little
suit coats and they’re just like little angels.”
That said, you
also have to be prepared for the fact that some kids might change their minds
or get last minute jitters on the day of the ceremony and back out. When
that happens it’s up to the officiant to give them an out or gloss over the
moment so the child doesn’t feel like he or she ruined the ceremony.
Geagan recalls one
blended wedding where a young teenager wanted to sing at the
ceremony. Even though the girl had performed before, she got last-minute
jitters and just couldn’t do it. Geagan suggested that rather than singing
during the ceremony, the girl do it later at the reception when everyone was
more relaxed.
“Sure enough she
got up and sang and it was fantastic,” she says.
Meacham is also
flexible with incorporating children in the service and uses humor to alleviate
the tension. “My theory about weddings is that you can’t make a mistake,” he says.
“Everybody is there out of love and it’s a glorious day for two people to share
their love with a community. You have a script – that’s the starting
point. I feel the same way about having kids. If they’re running
around the church, I don’t mind. You just have to roll with what happens and
not count on exactly what you thought would happen happening.”
Courtship and love have changed over the
centuries, but some old adages still seem to hold true: for one, that you often
will find love in the most unexpected places and, for another, that it often
arrives when you aren’t searching for it.
For Larry Hill and Laurie Petrino, the first
meeting seemed more like something out of the 19th century than the 21st. And
for Mary Kate Gigliotti and Matt Lott, new love could not have been further
from their minds they night they met.
Hill was working as a farrier shoeing horses
at a Chatham
farm where Petrino was bringing her horse to be shod. Hill was doing his best,
he says, to flirt his way into a first date, asking her out on two different
occasions without success. Finally, she says, he suggested horseback riding;
and Laurie laughed, thinking, what do I have to lose? I can have fun with
anyone on a horse! That was the start of a courtship that would last two years
and lead to a lifetime together. On a glorious day in late August, they rode
out to Crow’s Pasture in East Dennis. There, surrounded by the beauty of nature
and the view of Cape Cod
Bay spread out before
them, their relationship began.
Hill surprised Petrino with an engagement
ring on Christmas Eve in 2006. He had set the stage at a friend’s house on a
lake, placing a rose on each of the steps on a stairway leading to the water.
He asked Petrino to pick up each flower along the way, as he lit up fireworks
and popped open a small box holding the diamond.
“I wasn’t expecting Larry to ask me to marry
him,” Petrino recalls. “When he did ... I was overwhelmed and surprised ...
very happy.” The couple set the date for their wedding for the following June
16.
The setting for the ceremony was a family
farm in Marstons Mills with family, friends and animals attending. A huge tent
was set up to accommodate more than 200 guests. Even the dogs took part in the
bridal party: Bear walked in with the groom and served as ring bearer; Jake
padded down the aisle with the best man; and three other dogs, Romeo, Harley,
and Hank, waited at the altar with the ushers. Two cousins and a niece were
brought to the wedding in a cart drawn by a painted pony, and the bride and
groom arrived in a wedding coach guided by two Clydesdales. The rest of the
wedding party was transported by limousine.
Hill, who was born in Colorado, grew up in Marstons Mills and has
worked around horses and animals most of his life. As a farrier, he travels up
and down the entire East Coast from Vermont
and New York to Florida. Even when he is home on the Cape, his day can start at 5 a.m. and not end until 10
p.m. He has clients throughout Southeastern Massachusetts and Martha’s
Vineyard, and he is happy for the change in his routine, he says,
now having his wife to come home to at the end of each day.
In addition, he occasionally works in home
construction, assisting his father, for example, in building kitchens for some
of the homes in Ballymeade, a golfing community in North
Falmouth. And, of course, he has done considerable work on the
home that he and Petrino own in Sandwich. He
ripped out one interior wall and opened two rooms to create a large family
room, and he erected a deck that extends the length of their Cape-ranch-style
home and provides a view of the surrounding marshes.
Petrino, an animal lover, worked at Bassett
Wild Animal Farm in Brewster from 1996 to its closing in 2000 and as a
veterinary technician off-Cape for a short time. She says she began to consider
other career paths when she found herself getting too emotionally attached to
the sick animals she was tending. She spent two years in an equine studies
program but decided she could not make a career from the work and decided to
pursue a career at Cape Cod
Community College in
dental hygiene. She now works in a Hyannis
dental office and, she says, loves her career.
Like Hill, she has more than one profession.
In addition to her work as a hygienist, she tends to their two dogs, a cow, a
sheep and three horses, including Rascal, a new painted pony with blue eyes.
She travels every day to two farms in Marstons Mills to feed and take care of
the animals.
A busy schedule is nothing new for either
Hill or Petrino. In fact, when they reflect on their relationship, they
acknowledge that dedication and willingness to work hard were the very
qualities that attracted them to each other. Each admired the other’s work
ethic, they say, and they were impressed with their shared determination to
achieve their goals, even before they married.
As they look ahead to their life together,
they find new goals crystallizing – primarily, creating for themselves the
opportunity to purchase a piece of land and build a home that would allow them
to be near family and friends and to keep the animals they love on their own property.
When love came calling three years ago, Mary
Kate Gigliotti was in no mood for it. She was sitting alone in her kitchen,
thinking about the recent breakup with her boyfriend – just the thing for a
cold Friday night in November on Cape Cod.
Then, the phone rang. It was her girlfriend
Heather, wanting to know if Mary Kate were interested in going out with a few
friends to celebrate Heather’s boyfriend’s birthday at Sam Diego’s Restaurant
in Hyannis. The
friend also mentioned that she was bringing a guy friend to the party.
Just as long as you’re not matching us up
for the evening, I can do that, Gigliotti remembers saying, but no relationship
stuff. She felt she certainly was not ready for any new commitments.
As it turned out, the evening unfolded just
fine: Conversation flowed; the party at Sam Diego’s was fun. And Gigliotti met Matt Lott for the first time formally.
The next night, Lott invited Gigliotti out
for a date, and they discovered that they unwittingly had crossed paths on many
occasions on the Cape. Lott, four years older
than Gigliotti, had played sports with her brother Joe at Barnstable High School
and probably had been in her home many times. But she could not remember ever
noticing him. Yet, on that first date, they found it easy and comfortable being
together; they ended up talking all night long.
“Looking back,” Gigliotti says, “I never
thought I would marry a guy from the Cape.
Somehow I thought I might meet someone at Assumption College,”
her alma mater. She received her bachelor of arts degree in social
rehabilitation services with a concentration in psychology in 2002 at
Assumption and obtained her master’s in social rehabilitation counseling
specializing in high school guidance counseling the next year.
Gigliotti, born in Worcester,
came to live on the Cape as a very young child
and considers the peninsula her home. Her grandmother has a cottage in the
Springhill Beach area in East Sandwich, and Gigliotti recalls the many summers
she spent there as a little girl. It seemed only fitting that her family would
move there permanently, she says. Both she and Lott love the beaches and have
decided to stay on the Cape, mostly because
all their families are here.
Lott was born in Tallahassee,
Fla., and, when he was 3, moved with his family
to Cape Cod. He feels like a born-and-bred Cape Codder,
he says. His education took place here, too; he is a graduate of Massachusetts Maritime
Academy and works at the Pilgrim
Nuclear Power Station in Plymouth.
Within a few months of dating Lott,
Gigliotti knew he had all the qualities she was looking for in a partner for
life. Lott’s sincerity struck her first, along with his kindness, infectious
laugh, quick sense of humor and pragmatic intelligence. Lott was charmed by
Gigliotti’s genuine smile, sincerity and beauty. Both agree that trust and
dependability are keys to a successful relationship. “I have to say, if Matt
says something, he will do it; I can always depend on him. He is always there
for me.”
The only and brief moment of doubt for
Gigliotti came when Lott mentioned that he came with baggage: three female Labrador retrievers – two black and one yellow – Molly,
Tilley and Blue. But Gigliotti was bringing her own attachment to the
relationship: a golden retriever named Brady.
On a damp, rainy day in early April 2006,
Lott called Gigliotti to see if, after work, she might want to take the girls
(that is, the dogs) for a run on Springhill
Beach near her
grandmother’s cottage. She agreed. While the dogs were running and having a
great time in the water and along the shore, Lott presented her with a diamond
ring. Their parents, alerted earlier about the plan, were waiting by the phone
to hear the news and were thrilled that the couple became engaged. They were
married last Aug. 25.
Interviewed after only a month of marriage,
Gigliotti says she and Lott feel closer than ever to each other now. Marriage
has brought them deep intimacy and a stronger feeling of being united in a life
together. They say they are thrilled to be living on the Cape
and consider it a privilege to be here.
“It is such a special place for us,” says
Gigliotti, adding that it holds “precious memories.”
