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Hi all! My bride to be and I are planning to exchange vows this September and would like to do so at "sunrise" on a Cape Cod beach. Only three people will be present. Any suggestions?
Most brides want their wedding to be considered beautiful; some might call it a work of art.
But newlyweds Rebecca and Louis Gehrig took it a step further and celebrated their nuptials among the works of painter Aiden Lassell Ripley and Cape Cod artists’ paintings to be auctioned.
The Gehrigs had their reception in the two main art galleries -- the Fleet-Hunter Gallery and the Ocean Edge Gallery -- at the Cape Cod Museum of Art in Dennis last August. The ceremony was held at Gehrig’s Yarmouth Port summer house.
The Cape Cod Museum of Art is just one of many unique places on Cape Cod that couples can choose for their wedding or reception. From the art museum to public monuments to private mansions, Cape Cod plays boasts some of the most beautiful and exclusive places for couples to tie the knot.
“We’re the only museum on Cape Cod that allows this -- and (we’re) one of the most unique spots to get married – one, because of the architecture and (two), the art that’s on the wall,” says Steve Calemmo, facilities manager and rentals director of security at the museum “What’s up on the wall makes it unique. Instead of just sitting there during cocktail hour, (guests) can explore the museum.”
The Gehrigs chose to have their cocktail hour in the Sculpture Garden, which is filled with flowers and plants as well as numerous free-standing sculptures of differing shapes, sizes and materials. They even added their own sculpture – one made of ice with two sea horses kissing, and adorned with jumbo shrimp along the bottom edge of the carving.
Laurel Palmer, the bride’s mother, says that she and her daughter were both art lovers. Because the family summered in Yarmouth Port, both thought the museum would be the perfect place to celebrate Laurel’s wedding.
“What better place than our own Cape Cod museum? My husband and I are members of the museum, and it’s a lovely setting,” Palmer says.
The museum hosts about 15-25 weddings a year and can accommodate as many as 300 guests outdoors in a tent and 125 indoors in a gallery. The cost ranges from $500-$2,500, and the most sought-after months are June and September. Calemmo says that couples usually make reservations a year in advance to ensure they obtain the space they most want.
For more information, contact Cape Cod Museum of Art, P.O. Box 2034, Route 6A, Dennis 02638. 508-385-4477. http://www.ccmoa.org/
Another unique spot where couples can marry on the Cape is the 49-acre farm of meadowland and woods which overlook Crocker Pond in West Falmouth.
More than 200 years old, the Bourne Farm in Falmouth was built in 1775. Although couples can hold a wedding cermeony in the barn (the farmhouse is not available for use), most opt for the spacious natural beauty and atmosphere of the surrounding land.
Katie Taylor has been the executive director of the Salt Pond Areas Bird Sanctuaries Inc. for 11 years, and says that her nonprofit, private conservation group schedules more than a dozen weddings a year at the Bourne Farm.
“It’s on a pond with lovely meadows with wildflowers that you can see - an outdoor venue, really. The grounds are just beautiful in a natural way,” Taylor says. “It’s not a manicured country club, golf setting. People are trying to do something different. (It’s just a) very natural, beautiful, rustic place.”
Couples should book reservations at least a year in advance and can choose to be married outside under a tent, inside the 18th century barn or at the edge of the pond. It costs $3,300 to rent the site for an in-season wedding (between Memorial Day weekend and Columbus Day weekend) and $2,800 for an off-season wedding.
“I think the setting attracts people. I think people like the idea that it is a conservation group - a good cause. So it helps us as a non-profit group to have weddings there,” Taylor says. “It’s a nice way to have people see the property and what types of properties can be saved from development.”
For more information, contact Bourne Farm, 6 North Falmouth Highway, North Falmouth, 508-548-8484, www.saltpond.info.
The Pilgrim Monument in Provincetown stands tall as a beautiful and picturesque place for couples to tie the knot on Cape Cod.
Although weddings are not held at the top of the monument, the grounds below can be rented from June to October.
“It’s the most beautiful sight around,” says Ellen Burbank, administrator at the Pilgrim Monument and Provincetown Museum. “It’s stunning. It overlooks the whole bay, and the sunset is phenomenal. And I think that’s why people like it.”
The Pilgrim Monument and Museum hosts about 10 weddings a summer and recommends that couples make reservations six to 12 months in advance.
“June and September are our busiest months, (because) I think people like to get married when it’s not the very height of the season,” Burbank says. “I think most people like to get married when the grounds are not as crowded, when they have more privacy.”
Burbank, who has worked at the Pilgrim Monument and Museum for five years, says only the outdoor space can be rented. It can accommodate between 25 and 175 people.
A daytime wedding (9 a.m.- 5 p.m.) lasting three hours ranges from $500 to $2,000, depending on the number of guests. An evening wedding (4 p.m. to 11 p.m.) starts at $2,500 for three hours.
“People are always welcome to take a look and give me a call,” Burbank says. “Most people are very happy they end up here, especially (because of) the view.”
If you’ve dreamed of returning to your summer vacation spot to say “I do” or just want to have a beautiful seaside ceremony, planning a destination wedding to Cape Cod can begin simply by doing some research on the Internet.
“Usually on the Cape (couples) book a year, year-and-a-half out, so somebody who’s out of state who’s thinking about a wedding on the Cape should begin their research far in advance,” says Tasha Bracken, owner of The Simple Details, a wedding planning business in West Newton. “And the first thing is the venue (and) securing your vendors ... Get that out of the way; that should be your first priority.”
Couples who research online can help wedding planners better organize what kind of Cape Cod wedding they want, according to Connie Nye-Clark, owner of The Perfect Plan, a Forestdale wedding planning firm.
“Typically, a lot of girls will call me, and say, ‘I found this online, I found that online,’ ” Nye-Clark says. “Then I’ll tell them that some places you can’t get married on the beach, etc., and then I’ll take them to the next step. About 99 percent of my brides are using the Internet.”
Since a lot of venues on Cape Cod do not allow people to walk around the property, Nye-Clark suggests setting up a structured schedule for potential brides and grooms when they come.
“I say to couples, ‘Let’s make appointments and look at the venues and rule out the ones that won’t fit your budget,’ ” Nye-Clark says.
Adhering to a couple’s budget is one of the most important elements of planning a destination wedding for Bill Zammer, owner of Cape Cod Restaurants, based in Falmouth.
“We ask them what their budget is. You need to set a budget, and we will try to work within (one) that works for them, Zammer says. “It’s extremely important.”
Zammer, who has been in business for more than 20 years, says that his company puts together about 300 weddings a year. Ninety percent are couples who don’t live on the Cape.
Of course, for couples organizing a Cape wedding from far away, there are certain pitfalls that can hinder planning. Couples should inform their guests to book rooms ahead of time, he says.
“Book rooms in advance. Get all the planning done as soon as you can. When you come down to finally choose a restaurant, caterer, etc., at that point your wedding plans should be moving along very quickly,” Zammer says. “It saves the problem of later on rushing around trying to do something. The sooner you get something booked, the easier the flow of your own time is.”
These are just some elements of a wedding that, although they may seem important, can be real budget busters. And in this stressed economy, couples are likely to want to keep wedding expenses under control. Many elaborate details of the wedding day can be toned down, wedding experts says, without taking away from any of the beauty or charm of the celebrations.
Here’s some advice from some Cape wedding planners about how to save a little money on the big day.
Bill Zammer, Cape Cod Restaurants, Falmouth:
- Rather than provide an open bar for the entire evening, limit the amount and kind of alcohol served to special price-sensible selections, for example, using wine instead of champagne.
- Limit the number of photos you order. Sometimes couples don’t actually want the full range of thousands of pictures that many photographers can offer. Plan ahead on this service; the advance discussion can save you some expense.
- Weigh the hiring of a band versus deejays. Deejays are usually less expensive than bands.
- Outdoor weddings with caterers cost more than indoor locations. Whether you are dealing with the wedding or the reception, scheduling it indoors will save extra charges for a tent, chairs, heaters and other items.
- Exotic or elaborate floral centerpieces tend to be expensive. Instead, you can use perfectly attractive little potted plants with foil or other innovative centerpieces that you can buy at discount stores.
- When deciding whether to hire a limousine or a trolley, consider that it can be more economical to use a trolley that handles 20 people. If transporting guests between the locations of the wedding and the reception, this expense can be a significant consideration.
- Off-season weddings can save not only money, but time and energy as well. Discounts are available in the late fall and winter months, and off-season it will be easier and more convenient for your guests to travel on the Cape and find reasonably priced places to stay.
- Saturday night weddings may be the tradition for a wedding ceremony, but it can be less expensive to get married on Saturday afternoon or Friday night. You can save a lot of money on the band, deejay and photographer – and you might find a greater selection of services – because Saturday nights are likely to be booked first.
- Consider hiring a piano player for a limited period of time at the reception. During the cocktail hour, people often are seeing each other again for the first time during the weekend and they aren’t necessarily paying attention to the entertainment. They are more likely to be networking and greeting each other.
- Keep the wedding cake simple. Fancy wedding cakes are much more expensive than one you might consider nice enough. It’s the decorating that raises the cost and makes the cake expensive.
- Ice sculptures are a thing of the past. In these times, they can be a way to watch your money melt away. Spend your dollars on things that will create lasting memories.
- Expand your horizons when it comes to outfitting the wedding party. A lot of weddings now feature groomsmen wearing sharp blazers with khaki pants, versus renting tuxedoes. Nicely tailored blazers can be used again, and they look good.
- Make the best use of your five-to-six-hour time frame for the reception. Brides can arrange for the wedding pictures beforehand, even prior to the wedding – and enjoy the added benefit of extra time to enjoy the day.
- Ninety-nine percent of the time, wedding coordinators are a luxury rather than a necessity. Most hotels and restaurants that cater to wedding parties can help couples with all the planning that they need to do. Staff can help you choose the ceremony sites, church, transportation, florists, photographers and other vendors.
Tasha Bracken, The Simple Details, Newton, a wedding planner:
- Take time to really think about what is important to you as a couple. Getting creative – or going for something simple – when it comes to transportation can be a way to save a lot of money. But if your heart is set on a limousine, it might be worth the expense. It depends on what is important to the individual bride and groom.
- Welcome bags can be an added, unnecessary expense. People put a lot of money into a bottle of wine, a nice bottle opener, some nice chocolates and things related to the Cape, but they can opt for something simpler that guests will really enjoy.
Steve Calemmo, Cape Cod Museum of Art, Dennis:
- In Massachusetts, couples do not need a justice of the peace or minister to marry. By applying to the state and going through a simple process, an individual can obtain a one-day license to legally perform a wedding ceremony.
- For catering, use stock linens in basic white. Choose flowers that are in season on the Cape. Most vendors ideally should come from the Cape.
- Get liquor on consignment. Basically, you pay for what is used.
- Instead of a limo service, consider renting a brand new Cadillac and arrange for someone to drive it. You can even rent a school bus for less money than it costs to get fancier transportation, such as a horse-drawn carriage.
- To keep the cost down for rehearsal dinners, just invite whoever is in the wedding party and immediate family. Cut back on number of people who attend the rehearsal dinner, because additional guests can run up the bill significantly.
Cape artisans offer custom-made gifts for wedding party
Brides and grooms aren’t the only ones who receive gifts at a wedding.
The members of the bridal party traditionally are given presents, too, as tokens of thanks from the bride and groom. And they could be lucky enough to receive one-of-a-kind gifts from Cape Cod.
Connie Nye-Clark, owner of The Perfect Plan, an East Sandwich wedding planning company, says that Cape Cod jewelry is a popular gift. Brides sometimes even work with a local jeweler to customize something special for each bridesmaid.
Cape Cod Jewelers & Artisans in Hyannis started customizing jewelry for weddings within the last two years, says designer Brianna Balboni, whose parents own the store. Last year she worked with brides on special jewelry for four weddings.
“I think it’s the combination of pearls and gemstones that they (brides) like. They can get colors to match and tie in with their color scheme,” Balboni says.
The most popular jewelry that she designs individually for weddings is a necklace with a cluster of pearls or gemstones, she says. “They’re fairly simple, but something that can usually be worn aside from just the wedding day,” Balboni says.
“I think it kind of fits in with the Cape Cod beachy, casual style,” Balboni, who estimates that special orders usually require two months advance notice to be completed. “It’s unique and ties in with the casual style of weddings on Cape Cod.”
Nye-Clark says that some brides she’s worked with like to give their bridesmaids tote bags stuffed with towels, flip-flops and other beach-friendly elements that also match the wedding’s color scheme.
Allison Wildes Liset, owner of Elegant Engagements, a Sandwich wedding planner, says that brides sometimes offer their bridesmaids a gift weekend to themselves, so they can enjoy the Cape during a time that’s not as hectic as the days right before the wedding during which events for the ceremony are scheduled.
“I had one girl give everybody a weekend at a hotel so that they could come back and have sort of a mini-vacation (on the Cape),” Wildes Liset says. “She gave them a gift card for $250 to enjoy a weekend here when it’s not a wedding.”
The Beach Plum Spa, at the Cape Codder Resort in Hyannis, offers several packages for brides to give their bridesmaids. Spa director and owner Deb Catania says that a popular idea is for the bride to pay for her bridesmaids to be pampered before the wedding.
“Actually, the day before they come in all together as a group and then we put out some wine and maybe some platters of sandwiches, and then they have massages and facials,” Catania says.
Catania also says that big groups should reserve as early as possible to make sure space will be available, and brides can treat their bridesmaids to manicures, pedicures, facials and massages – complete with hors d'oeuvres – and access to the relaxation room.
Unlike bridesmaids who can be relatively easy to please with gifts of appreciation, groomsmen can be more difficult.
Many grooms give such gifts as a round of golf, which all the men in the wedding party can play the weekend before the wedding, says Wildes Liset.
“As far as customized gifts, I don’t get asked a lot to help with gift stuff. But Nantucket colors – for ties – are really popular,” Nye-Clark says. “A lot of times, a bride will do all different Nantucket-colored ties, so the groomsmen wear them in the wedding but it’s also their gift.”
Vineyard Vines ties and belts are also popular, Wildes Liset says. One groom even gave each of his groomsmen a watch with a map of Cape Cod on it.
Jim Penn, co-owner of Puritan of Cape Cod, which owns the Vineyard Vines store at Mashpee Commons, says the brand of ties and belts appeals to men of all ages, and the designs fit many different lifestyles.
The tie collection consists of bright colors with hundreds of different patterns, including sailboats, various fish patterns, starfish, martinis, beach chairs, compasses and anything nautical or related to the beach or sports.
Penn, who is a third generation owner of Puritan of Cape Cod along with cousin Richard Penn, says the store works with about 100 weddings a year, and can pair ties with the cummerbund or provide the bridesmaids with tote bags.
“They fit many lifestyles of Cape Cod – all the patterns ... Certainly people love Cape Cod (because of the) beaches, outdoors and the many activities,” Penn says. “The colors are bright and that’s why people like them – and they’re fun.”
The idea of eloping may conjure images of couples spontaneously jetting off to Vegas to say their vows in front of an Elvis impersonator. But for Christopher and Megan Niehoff, eloping to Cape Cod took about six months to plan.
The Niehoffs, who got engaged Christmas Eve in 2006, began planning their elopement in February of this year.
When they arrived at Brewster by the Sea Inn & Spa from their hometown of Columbus, Wis., all the flowers, food and other arrangements were ready and waiting, since they had been chosen back in the winter.
“All these decisions were made in February through e-mails, and everything was done so I didn’t have to make any decisions” there, Megan Niehoff says. “It was so easy to do, and everything was done over the Internet, so you’re prepared before you leave.”
Donna Cain, co-owner of Brewster by the Sea, began offering elopement packages about two years ago to add to the off-season business, but now she has expanded to creating different packages for all seasons.
“We wanted to fit a niche that wasn’t really (filled) out there. A lot of people want a high-end experience with just themselves, and we created that little niche, and it’s worked out really well,” Cain says. “We want to give something very memorable for our guests, and we take care of all the details.”
Co-owner Byron Cain takes wedding photos and sends the couple away with a CD of his photos, as well as the option for a photo album. The Cains put their eloping guests in touch with their two justices of the peace - Judith Todd-McNicole and Susan Marcus - who walk them through the process.
In addition to planning months in advance to book a room for eloping couples, there are other time factors and details to consider. Massachusetts doesn’t require couples to get blood tests, which saves time, but marriage licenses take three days to process, according to Barnstable Town Clerk Linda E. Hutchenrider.
“All (you) have to do is go to any town clerk’s office, fill out a number of papers (it doesn’t matter where you’re from), apply, and three days later you can pick up a license,” Hutchenrider says. “If couples want to get married quicker, they can go to a judge at one of the courts in Barnstable and ask for a waiver of the three-day waiting period.”
But there’s no guarantee a judge will be available or that the waiver will be granted. Couples should call the probate court in advance and ask what the requirements are for obtaining a waiver of the three-day waiting period.
Massachusetts marriage licenses are valid for 60 days, so if a couple doesn’t get married within two months, the license becomes invalid and the application process must be started from scratch.
A license costs $31 and includes a certified copy of the marriage certificate.
The Niehoffs opted to complete the whole process in three days. They arrived on the Cape Aug. 6 and were married on Paines Creek Beach in Brewster Aug. 8.
“Susan Marcus was very helpful getting us through the marriage license process, and we had to go to Barnstable County Courthouse and get the waiver, and then we drove right to Brewster Town Hall and finished the license process,” Niehoff says.
Hutchenrider says that the Cape, along with many other areas near water, is an ideal marriage destination, and people who can’t afford a big wedding can still celebrate with a small wedding near the ocean in a nice atmosphere.
That was what prompted the Lumias to begin offering elopement packages at The Captain Farris House in Bass River Village two years ago.
“We have beautiful grounds, and people would come by to see if we do weddings, but we’re not set up to do big weddings, so we offer elopement packages that are on a much smaller scale,” says Nancy Lumia, co-owner – with her husband, Michael – of The Captain Farris House.
The Lumias encourage couples to book reservations ahead of time, especially if they want special flowers or other arrangements.
The Captain Farris House can accommodate elopement parties of up to 12 people. The Lumias offer a ceremony performed by Justice of the Peace Shiela Thompson, a room complete with a bottle of champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries, rose petals on the bed and a $50 gift certificate to a restaurant for a celebratory dinner.
“All (couples) have to do is come with their license. We get the flowers for the bride, the boutonniere, and set up the ceremony – either in the gazebo filled with beautiful seasonal flowers or in the … parlor in front of fireplace,” Nancy says.
“If the couple does have guests we can make it a private event and block off the dining room. Sometimes we set up outside and we’ll have champagne and strawberries for everyone after the ceremony. And we can offer either live music or a deejay,” Michael says. “The base price is $599 on top of (the price of) their room, which is typically the Phoebe White Honeymoon Suite.”
At the Captain’s House Inn in Chatham, co-owner Jill Meyer says she tells people who are planning to elope to book rooms four months in advance in high season and to allow two to three months advance booking even in the fall.
“We really can’t turn it around that quickly, because we have to order flowers, and the chef has to do the cake. The quickest we could do it would be maybe a week. But then, it’s not likely we would have any rooms available,” Meyer says.
Meyer and husband James have owned this property for two years and instituted the elopement package right from the start, because they had had success with it when they owned the Carriage House Inn, also in Chatham.
“We always wanted to do weddings, but it’s too small of a venue to accommodate a lot of people or staff, so we thought we could offer a low-key alternative. It’s a nice way to get to do weddings, but we make it simple,” Meyer says.
The Captain’s House Inn can accommodate parties of as many as six for elopement packages, which include a bouquet for the bride and a boutonniere for the groom, a small wedding cake, a bottle of champagne or sparkling cider, a $75 dinner gift certificate to a restaurant of your choice, digital photography and a CD of your wedding day photos and a full breakfast each morning.
Meyer says her hotel has list of justices of the peace who are available to perform the wedding ceremony.
Marriage law requires both members of a couple need to be at least 18 years old to marry. Massachusetts now also allows same sex marriages for out-of-state couples as well those living in the commonwealth.
Aiming to save money and memories, couples choose backyard ceremonies
For most brides and grooms, bringing family together in a celebration of love is the name of the game at a wedding, and some sentimental brides and grooms are finding a way to bring even more heart – and hearth – to their nuptials.
Whether to save money or preserve fond memories, some couples are finding that home really is where the heart is and are throwing their reception at the family dwelling. In 2007 and 2008, says Connie Nye-Clark, owner of The Perfect Plan, a wedding and event planning service in Sandwich, at-home wedding receptions eclipsed events held at wedding venues.
“It’s pretty much a lot of what I do,” Nye-Clark says. Nye-Clark, who often attends the weddings and receptions of her clients, believes that at-home receptions bring a close-knit, family atmosphere to the celebrations, especially when held at a home the bride or groom remembers fondly. “If the bride played in the sand there when she was a kid,” she says, “there are memories attached to it.”
Another plus to holding the ceremony or reception at home, says Nye, is the possibility of saving thousands of dollars. Most popular Cape Cod wedding venues charge between $1,500 and $3,000 for a site fee, not to mention additional expenses that may be involved. And “with a lot of girls looking at the economy,” she says, opting for at-home receptions can ease a lot of worry.
“If you own a home on the Cape and you have a yard that can accommodate [the event],” she says, “you’re not going to incur that expense.”
Along with saving thousands in wedding expenses, Nye recommends at-home, outdoor receptions to clients because of the almost limitless opportunities for decorating.
“A tented affair is a blank canvas,” Nye says, mentioning that an at-home reception doesn’t have to rely on a venue’s existing decorations for a color scheme or its level of sophistication. Last summer, The Perfect Plan held at-home receptions of all kinds, from beachy clambakes to black-tie events.
A popular at-home event this summer included handing out flip-flops and beach baskets to guests during clambakes and barbecues, Nye says. “It just becomes more of a kick-off-your-shoes kind of event.” However, she also threw tux-and-gown-worthy parties, too, choosing to decorate with chandeliers and candelabras.
Nye’s self-described “biggest wedding of the year” was a perfect mix of elegance, casual fun and family-bonding, she says. With 170 guests expected, the Truro wedding needed more than just one home, so the family rented four and held events on all the properties.
“The bride didn’t want the same event happening under the same tent for three days in a row,” says Nye, so each event was held under the backyard tent decorated in a wildly different style.
For a Southern-style barbecue on Friday night, a nod to the groom’s Kansas City roots, the tent was decorated with casual black-and-white tablecloths, red napkins, longhorn skulls and other rodeo-inspired accessories. The main event, a wedding for all 170 guests, was festooned with deep fall colors, luxurious velvets and subdued lighting. A Sunday brunch for 80, also under the tent, featured champagne damask and light colored decorations. Each event, says Nye, had its own level of sophistication. The tent “felt very different for each event.” Despite threats of a hurricane and downpours all weekend, the at-home celebrations were a success. “Everyone loved it, and everyone walked away happy,” she says. “It was an awesome weekend.”
But no matter how casual or formal the reception will be, there are a few things to remember. According to the On-Line Massachusetts Bridal Guide (www.maweddngguide.com), it’s important to choose a guest list carefully based on what the home and property can handle.
Chairs, linens and lighting may be needed if the home isn’t equipped for the extra company, as well as restroom facilities, all of which can be rented. But despite any extra considerations, Nye believes that at-home receptions are well worth it. For her, there’s nothing better than the family getting together, something she says happens without fail at home events.
“It’s just more welcoming,” she says. “It’s about creating a memory that’s lasting.”
The Perfect Plan wedding and event planners can be reached at 508-833-6262 or www.theperfect-plan.com.
You want your wedding to be picture perfect, but that takes planning. The months before your wedding can be a time to dream of all the ways to make your special day – from the walk down the aisle to the wedding cake – just what you always wanted. But the time can get hectic, too, with so many details to attend to. Here’s a comprehensive wedding checklist to alert you – beforehand – to what you’ll need to remember:
Twelve to eight months before the wedding:
Announce your engagement, by telling family and friends and sending out engagement announcements, including newspaper or online announcements.
If you want to celebrate in a big way, arrange for engagement photographs and a party.
Have your families meet each other in a relaxed, comfortable atmosphere.
Envision the broad theme (religious or secular) and tone your wedding (for example, large or small; formal hotel or informal beach gathering). Pick preferences for your wedding date and time (afternoon or evening).
Determine your budget and division of expenses (who is paying or contributing to the cost of the wedding).
Determine size of your guest list and start compiling the names.
Book your reception site as soon as you find one. Don't assume any location will still be available two or three months later if you want to continue looking around. Remember: If you choose an outdoor site, you probably will have to arrange for tent and lighting rentals.
Visit the clergy and review synagogue or church requirements.
Finalize your wedding date and time after checking with your important guests, your preferred location, and minister or other officiant.
Book your caterer.
Reserve tables, chairs, china, and any other rental equipment you may need (unless your caterer is handling it for you).
Book your caterer, florist, musicians, photographer and/or videographer.
Plan ceremony and reception music, and begin looking into bands and DJs.
Determine where you will be staying and reserve your rooms.
Check into hotels and inns and book blocks of rooms for your guests.
Start looking for a baker to make your wedding cake. Check with caterer for recommendations.
Eight to four months before the wedding.
Choose your attendants and confirm that they can participate in the ceremony..
Choose your color theme and shop for bridesmaids dresses. Decide on the groomsmen's/bridegroom's attire.
Finalize arrangements for the church and ceremony.
Compile names and addresses for your final guest list.
Book DJ or band.
Make transportation arrangements for you and your family.
Plan your honeymoon.
Shop for wedding favors.
Send save-the-date announcements or call guests who live out-of-town who will need accommodations. Provide information about the location of the wedding, accommodations there, and transportation schedules, if they apply. Be sure to advise guests that rooms book quickly, and they should not put off finding a place to stay until the last minute.
Begin planning the wedding rehearsal and dinner.
Make all deposits and get all contracts signed for the services you require.
Compile ideas for your bridal registry.
Three to two months before the wedding
Choose gifts for attendants, parents and helpers.
Buy wedding rings.
Order the wedding cake. Buy cake knife, toasting glasses, and guest book.
Begin to shop for your trousseau.
Complete your bridal registry.
Book a hairstylist and/or makeup artist, if you will be using these services. Otherwise, experiment with friends on hair styles, makeover, etc.
Provide photographer with list of photos that you feel are musts at the wedding and reception. The clearer you are, the happier you’ll be with the final results.
Discuss and finalize the wedding menu with the caterer.
Write wedding vows and meet with officiant to discuss the ceremony.
Attend any bridal showers.
Mail invitations
Make appointments for blood tests, if required.
Apply for your marriage license.
Complete name-change documents.
Send wedding announcements to newspapers or online sites.
Address invitations/announcements and mail.
Order liquor, wine and/or champagne, if not included in catering contract.
The month of your wedding
Finalize details of every aspect of your wedding.
Write and print – or have printed – the wedding program.
Confirm with caterer, florist and other vendors and make honeymoon reservations.
Have final fittings for you and your attendant's dresses.
Ask friend or relative to take charge of guest book at the reception.
Arrange seating plan for reception and have nametags printed.
Pick up wedding rings.
Write thank-you notes as you receive gifts. This will save time and energy later.
Contact guests who have not responded or have family member or maid-of-honor handle this important detail.
Purchase gift for fiancé (not mandatory).
Complete your trousseau.
Pack for honeymoon.
Pick up your marriage license.
The week of the wedding
Pick up gown, attendants’ dresses and accessories. Break in your new shoes for the wedding, wearing them on carpets (or whatever surface might pose a challenge.
Confirm details with all participants and inform them of any changes.
Make sure you have all wedding attire, rings and marriage license.
Give final guest count to reception facility or caterer.
Get massage, manicure and pedicure.
Double-check wedding day appointments.
The day before the wedding
Pull together wedding gown, veil, shoes, and last minute emergency kit (aspirin, make-up, safety-pins, etc).
Deliver gifts to wedding party.
Drop off favors, guest book and pen at the reception site.
Have rehearsal and dinner.
Relax and get a good night's sleep.
Wedding Day
Have hair and make-up done.
Confirm with people you expect to give toasts at the reception.
Begin dressing two hours before ceremony is to begin.
-- Sources: Martha’s Vineyard Chamber of Commerce and about.com.
The best way to
avoid stress when planning your wedding is to be organized and plan ahead.
“My whole
philosophy is, if you’re a procrastinator and put everything off to the last
minute, you’re going to be really stressed out,” says wedding specialist Connie
Nye-Clark, owner of The Perfect Plan in Forestdale. “Why not book your vendors,
put your deposits down and rest for a couple of months?”
That sounds like a
good plan. To make things easier for you, here’s a rundown of when to do what.
One to two
years before the wedding: First you need to make some decisions about the type of wedding you would like
to have: Day or evening? Indoor or outdoor? Formal or casual? Once you have the
answers, set a realistic budget. Making out your guest list before you begin
researching venues will allow you to easily compare prices and see what options
are within your budget.
Wedding planner
Jamie Marie Burge, owner of Sea Mist Event Planning in Orleans, says you need to book your venue at
least a year in advance, and if you’re aiming for one of the hot-spot venues, a
year and a half to two years is better. If you will be having the ceremony at a
church, you need to book that as well and coordinate a date that both the
church and ceremony venue have open. The same advice applies if you will be
using a different officiant.
If you are doing a
tented reception, Burge recommends you book the tenting company and caterer
right after you book the venue. If you have a certain date in mind, you should
give yourself a year. If you can be more flexible with dates, most caterers,
like Casual Gourmet owner Olive Chase, can usually do it with six to eight months
notice.
The other thing
you need to book early is the photographer because the best ones’ calendars
fill up fast. Photographer Vince DeWitt recommends Cape
brides book at least a year in advance for summer weddings and 13 to 14 months
for September and October weddings, as those are the most popular months.
One year before
the wedding: Begin looking for a bridal gown and bridesmaids’ dresses now because most take
four to six months (or longer) to order depending on where they come from.
Aimee Guthinger, owner of Bedroom I’s Boutique in Osterville, suggests that
before you go shopping for a dress you get fitted for your foundation garments
so you can bring them when you try on dresses for an accurate view of the final
look.
Once you have your
dresses ordered and your colors selected, make an appointment with a florist to discuss flowers. Ask bands and DJs for samples of their work for you to listen to and book your
music. Figure out what other vendors you will need, such as lighting
specialists, videographers, limo, tables and chairs, etc.
If you need help
organizing your wedding, hire a wedding planner to assist you with all the
details and decisions.
Six months
before the wedding: If your guests will be traveling, Nye-Clark recommends sending “Save a Date”
magnets or cards so they can plan ahead and make reservations. This is also a
good time to order the wedding invitations. Elaine Arsanis, co-owner of Let’s
Party Cape and Islands in Hyannis,
makes custom invitations and says she can do rush orders, but really prefers a
few months’ notice.
It’s time for the
guys to get fitted for their tuxes. Henry Colleran, owner of Watson’s Men’s
Store in Orleans,
says that out-of-town guys should go to a store in their area get
professionally fitted and mail their measurements in.
Especially if you
have a large bridal party, Sara Gilman, wedding consultant at Oceanside Hair
and Spa in Brewster, recommends making your hair and makeup appointments; and
to keep matters simple and the number of phone calls down, also book any other
appointments like facials, massages, exfoliations, manicures and pedicures.
Start planning
your honeymoon and making reservations. Start looking at rings. Finish booking
all the rest of your vendors such as a venue for the rehearsal dinner, the limousine
and the wedding cake if it’s not included with your venue.
Check requirements
for blood tests and marriage licenses and make necessary
appointments.
Two months
before the wedding: Time to address and mail out the invitations. Buy or make favors and plan your
table decorations. Follow up with all your vendors to make sure everyone is
still on board.
One month
before the wedding: This is a good time for you and your bridesmaids to go into your bridal shop
for alterations. You shouldn’t do it too early because your weight may
fluctuate. Maria-Alice Pereira, co-owner of Chantilly’s Bridal in Hyannis, says her shop has
in-house seamstresses who can do the alterations the week of the wedding for
out-of-town brides; a month is good for locals.
This is also a
great time to do all the fun details like buying a garter, honeymoon lingerie,
stockings, bridal guest book, and travel bags for lingerie and shoes. Don’t
forget gifts for your bridesmaids and groomsmen.
By now most of
your reply cards will have come in. Follow up with any that didn’t and start
making a seating chart for the reception. Give your caterer or venue wedding
coordinator a final head count.
The final days: A week before the wedding, do a beauty day at the salon and have a massage,
exfoliation and trial hair appointment. The day before, get your manicure and
pedicure. Take a relaxing bubble bath and make sure to go to bed early so you
look your best.
The biggest slice
of a wedding budget is the reception. Even more important, the choice of venue
sets the theme of the entire wedding. That can make choosing the perfect venue
an anxiety-ridden search. The good news is that the folks who run venues across
the Cape really try to make the process as
easy as possible by offering inclusive packages, well-tested referral lists and
plenty of advice.
Shelly
Hippler-Conway, co-owner along with her chef-husband Bill Conway of the Captain
Linnell House and Gardens in Orleans, says she and her husband have tried to
eliminate all the things they hate at weddings they’ve attended, such as long
lines at the bar, cold food with bad sauces and servers who take your plate
away too soon.
She advises
couples to approach the task of choosing a venue with practicality first, then
emotion.
“I think they
should consider budget first and compare it with their guest list,”
Hippler-Conway says. “Some people get carried away with who they want to invite
and then they can’t afford to do that. So look at all the denominators: the
cost, the guest list, whether they love the site or not. You have to fall in
love with the place.”
The Captain
Linnell House is a restored French-neoclassic-villa-style mansion set on more
than 2 acres of gardens that have been restored to the year 1855 by
Hippler-Conway, who was a professional restoration gardener before she and her
husband bought the restaurant two decades ago. Picture cascades of wisteria,
indigenous plants like hydrangeas and lavender and enough roses that guests are
given rose petals to toss at the bride and groom at the end. The restaurant
closes for weddings so the wedding party has full use of the mansion and
grounds. Hippler-Conway estimates that about 30 percent of the wedding
ceremonies are done on site at the gazebo, with another 20 percent performed at
nearby Skaket Beach.
To keep things
simple they offer two packages, an hors d’oeuvres party or a sit-down dinner.
“We’re a foodie
bride’s restaurant. We’re really into balancing the hors d’oeuvres, dinner and
dancing, and the dinner is really, really special,” Hippler-Conway says. With a
pastry chef who makes wedding cakes on site, “Our package is a really inclusive
package. We try to think of everything that would stress out a bride and
groom.”
The Old Sea Pines
Inn in Brewster has a “Secret
Garden” for ceremonies
with a beautiful stone wall area with a greenery roof that used to be the
foundation for one of the buildings when the inn was a school.
“In the last five
years we’ve gone to doing 75 to 80 percent of the ceremonies on site now just
because it’s more convenient for people. You don’t have to travel,” says Donna
Kalinick, wedding manager at Old Sea Pines Inn.
Although it’s a
romantic idea to get married at the beach, Kalinick says most people don’t
consider the difficulties of finding a beach with plenty of parking or the fact
that greenheads will be buzzing around their guests in July.
“Part of your job
as a wedding coordinator is that people come to the table with a certain number
of ideas and you want to try to get their dream wedding for them, but you also
want to advise them as to what is reasonable and what’s going to work versus
what’s not going to work,” she says.
Old Sea Pines Inn
offers inclusive, flexible packages. Couples can choose from 10 menus and
sit-down service, family style, buffets, indoor station receptions, brunches
and lobster bakes.
Kalinick says the
median age of their brides is close to 30, and these more mature brides don’t
necessarily want to follow tradition. They like to set the tone of their own
wedding and things like receiving lines and even wedding cakes are starting to
go out of fashion with couples choosing cupcakes or desserts instead.
As for cost,
Kalinick says, “You’ve got to decide what is realistic for you to spend and
then find the best-case scenario for that.”
Budget is the first thing couples should consider when choosing a venue,
according to Bill Zammer, owner Cape Cod Restaurants Inc., which does more than
400 weddings a year at three different wedding venues: the Coonamessett Inn in Falmouth, the Flying Bridge Restaurant on Falmouth Harbor and The Clubhouse at Pinehills
Golf Club.
“As long as they
are realistic, we can work with their budget,” Zammer says. Each venue has a
function coordinator who sits down with couples to help them plan the perfect
wedding. Most couples have already downloaded the menus and price list from the
restaurants’ Web site, Zammer says, so it is just a matter of deciding which
menu fits their budget.
They do two basic
styles of receptions: An elaborate cocktail party with hors d’oeuvres and
stations, or a traditional sit-down dinner with a cocktail party to start.
Cape Cod Restaurants
Inc. also offers a package Zammer calls “The Perfect Wedding,” which includes a
rehearsal dinner the night before, the wedding reception the day of, and brunch
the day after.
“We do a lot of
on-site weddings,” Zammer says. “Each place has a spot. We have a garden
setting at the Coonamessett Inn overlooking the pond. Up at the Flying Bridge
we have a beautiful setting with a tent overlooking Falmouth Harbor.
And at the Pinehills country club we have another garden which is really pretty
with flowers and a gazebo.”
For a truly unique
wedding, about 20 couples a year decide to get married at Heritage
Museum and Gardens in Sandwich.
“We have a couple of different venues,” says Cristoff Shay, director of visitor
services and wedding planner for the museum. “We have our Windmill Garden.
It’s the most popular. The Sundial
Garden, which is
surrounded by thousands of day lilies. And then we have what’s called our
Parade Field, which is our largest outdoor area. That’s surrounded by Shawme
Pond and hydrangeas.”
After an outdoor garden ceremony, the reception can be held in the J.K. Lilly
III Antique
Auto Museum, which can accommodate a sit-down dinner for 150 or a cocktail party for up to
300. Their exclusive caterer is The Casual Gourmet in Centerville, and Shay does everything he can
to make it easy on the bride, including calling the museum’s preferred vendors
to set things up.
There are shuttles
to move guests around the grounds, and a Rolls-Royce golf cart for the bride
and groom. A bridal suite stocked with champagne and flowers has a full
bathroom and bridal mirrors for pre-ceremony preparations.
Grooms love the
setting with antique cars, but Shay says brides also fall in love with the
space. One bride draped fabric around the rotunda and placed Christmas lights
inside so that when people dining below looked up, it looked like a starry
night.
“A lot of the
brides haven’t been to the museum before,” Shay says. “They do an Internet
search and they see the beautiful grounds and then when they get here they’re
just awestruck. A hundred acres of rhododendrons, day lilies, hydrangeas – it’s
just an awe-inspiring site for people who love gardens or automobiles.”
For couples
looking for a smaller or more casual wedding experience, Dave Schermacher,
owner of Ptown Parties, offers wedding planning and catering services at a
variety of locations. For weddings with about 50 guests, rental homes are a
great option.
“We have about three that we like to use a lot in Provincetown because they have large decks
that can be tented. But there’s also some bigger ones out in Truro,” he says.
He also plans
tented receptions at Provincetown Monument and does outdoor weddings at several public
beaches in Provincetown and Truro.
“We do a lot of
the parties on the beach,” Schermacher says. “Last year our kitchen was located
at the Top Mast Resort so that’s a nice spot because you get the sunsets over Provincetown. When you’re
at Herring Cove, which is beautiful, you’re looking at the sunset over the
water.”
Ptown Parties
features creative menus with hot and cold, passed and stationary hors d’oeuvres
that can be prepared on site or delivered ready made. They also offer a buffet
menu and a very popular New England clambake
on the beach. For clambakes they provide enough firewood to last the evening,
lay out blankets, provide tiki torches and wind sails for ambiance and serve
the food from a linen-draped buffet.
“A really fun
place is the Blue Sea Motor Inn,” Schermacher says. “What’s really neat there
is they are in the part of Truro that’s on the
bend to Provincetown,
so their beach is huge. We’ve been able to do a clambake wedding reception for
over a hundred people right on the beach, tented so all the guests were in bare
feet the whole time.”
Other things to think about
Rain or shine
The old adage that if it
rains on your wedding day your marriage will last forever is of little
comfort to a bride who plans an outdoor ceremony without a contingency plan
in case of rain or inclement weather. Most venues with outdoor wedding sites
also have a backup indoor space that can be made available at the last
minute.
At the Captain Linnell
House and Gardens in Orleans
the ceremony can be moved into the ballroom, which can accommodate 200
people. They’ve only had to do this four times in 20 years, says co-owner
Shelly Hippler-Conway. Heritage Museum
and Gardens in Sandwich has had similar good
luck. Director of visitor services Cristoff Shay says they have never had a
wedding rained out, but he still recommends that couples put a tent on
reserve just in case.
Donna Kalinick, wedding
manager at Old Sea Pines Inn in Brewster, says weddings are moved from the
garden area to a large covered porch if it rains. Last November they had a
wedding planned for the evening of the hurricane and, sure enough, the
electricity went out 10 minutes before the ceremony was scheduled to begin.
They ended up doing the ceremony in the living room in front of the fireplace
with beautiful oil lamps lighting the room. Old Sea Pines Inn has a generator
so the kitchen staff could cook the food; the couple, who were local, ran
home and got their own generator for the band.
“They said they will
always remember it because they have this really great story,” Kalinick says.
“They had dinner and danced by candlelight. It was truly a candlelit
reception.”
Her best advice to brides
is to plan ahead as best you can and then let go and enjoy the day because
you’re not going to be able to relive it. You have to trust whoever you chose
to do your wedding and know they will do their best to make your day as special
as possible.
Don’t forget those
permits
Many
towns require permits before you can get married on the beach. Check with
your wedding planner to see if your destination does. Most wedding planners
will provide all the necessary forms, but you need to fill them out yourselves
and pay a small fee depending on the town.
