You want your wedding to be picture perfect, but that takes planning. The months before your wedding can be a time to dream of all the ways to make your special day – from the walk down the aisle to the wedding cake – just what you always wanted. But the time can get hectic, too, with so many details to attend to. Here’s a comprehensive wedding checklist to alert you – beforehand – to what you’ll need to remember:
Twelve to eight months before the wedding:
Announce your engagement, by telling family and friends and sending out engagement announcements, including newspaper or online announcements.
If you want to celebrate in a big way, arrange for engagement photographs and a party.
Have your families meet each other in a relaxed, comfortable atmosphere.
Envision the broad theme (religious or secular) and tone your wedding (for example, large or small; formal hotel or informal beach gathering). Pick preferences for your wedding date and time (afternoon or evening).
Determine your budget and division of expenses (who is paying or contributing to the cost of the wedding).
Determine size of your guest list and start compiling the names.
Book your reception site as soon as you find one. Don't assume any location will still be available two or three months later if you want to continue looking around. Remember: If you choose an outdoor site, you probably will have to arrange for tent and lighting rentals.
Visit the clergy and review synagogue or church requirements.
Finalize your wedding date and time after checking with your important guests, your preferred location, and minister or other officiant.
Book your caterer.
Reserve tables, chairs, china, and any other rental equipment you may need (unless your caterer is handling it for you).
Book your caterer, florist, musicians, photographer and/or videographer.
Plan ceremony and reception music, and begin looking into bands and DJs.
Determine where you will be staying and reserve your rooms.
Check into hotels and inns and book blocks of rooms for your guests.
Start looking for a baker to make your wedding cake. Check with caterer for recommendations.
Eight to four months before the wedding.
Choose your attendants and confirm that they can participate in the ceremony..
Choose your color theme and shop for bridesmaids dresses. Decide on the groomsmen's/bridegroom's attire.
Finalize arrangements for the church and ceremony.
Compile names and addresses for your final guest list.
Book DJ or band.
Make transportation arrangements for you and your family.
Plan your honeymoon.
Shop for wedding favors.
Send save-the-date announcements or call guests who live out-of-town who will need accommodations. Provide information about the location of the wedding, accommodations there, and transportation schedules, if they apply. Be sure to advise guests that rooms book quickly, and they should not put off finding a place to stay until the last minute.
Begin planning the wedding rehearsal and dinner.
Make all deposits and get all contracts signed for the services you require.
Compile ideas for your bridal registry.
Three to two months before the wedding
Choose gifts for attendants, parents and helpers.
Buy wedding rings.
Order the wedding cake. Buy cake knife, toasting glasses, and guest book.
Begin to shop for your trousseau.
Complete your bridal registry.
Book a hairstylist and/or makeup artist, if you will be using these services. Otherwise, experiment with friends on hair styles, makeover, etc.
Provide photographer with list of photos that you feel are musts at the wedding and reception. The clearer you are, the happier you’ll be with the final results.
Discuss and finalize the wedding menu with the caterer.
Write wedding vows and meet with officiant to discuss the ceremony.
Attend any bridal showers.
Mail invitations
Make appointments for blood tests, if required.
Apply for your marriage license.
Complete name-change documents.
Send wedding announcements to newspapers or online sites.
Address invitations/announcements and mail.
Order liquor, wine and/or champagne, if not included in catering contract.
The month of your wedding
Finalize details of every aspect of your wedding.
Write and print – or have printed – the wedding program.
Confirm with caterer, florist and other vendors and make honeymoon reservations.
Have final fittings for you and your attendant's dresses.
Ask friend or relative to take charge of guest book at the reception.
Arrange seating plan for reception and have nametags printed.
Pick up wedding rings.
Write thank-you notes as you receive gifts. This will save time and energy later.
Contact guests who have not responded or have family member or maid-of-honor handle this important detail.
Purchase gift for fiancé (not mandatory).
Complete your trousseau.
Pack for honeymoon.
Pick up your marriage license.
The week of the wedding
Pick up gown, attendants’ dresses and accessories. Break in your new shoes for the wedding, wearing them on carpets (or whatever surface might pose a challenge.
Confirm details with all participants and inform them of any changes.
Make sure you have all wedding attire, rings and marriage license.
Give final guest count to reception facility or caterer.
Get massage, manicure and pedicure.
Double-check wedding day appointments.
The day before the wedding
Pull together wedding gown, veil, shoes, and last minute emergency kit (aspirin, make-up, safety-pins, etc).
Deliver gifts to wedding party.
Drop off favors, guest book and pen at the reception site.
Have rehearsal and dinner.
Relax and get a good night's sleep.
Wedding Day
Have hair and make-up done.
Confirm with people you expect to give toasts at the reception.
Begin dressing two hours before ceremony is to begin.
-- Sources: Martha’s Vineyard Chamber of Commerce and about.com.
The more things change, the more they stay
the same.
Bridal fashion might be undergoing a big
transformation this year, moving toward more modern looks, but one tradition
seems to be as popular as ever: grooms down on one knee, surprising their
brides-to-be with rings.
A lot of guys still want to surprise the
girl, because they really love the surprise factor, says Dennis jewelry
designer Ross Coppelman, who says his designs of white gold, platinum and his
favorite, high-karat gold, are often geared toward the bride and groom who want
something a little different.
Taste, says Coppelman, is something you
absorb from culture around you, so when it comes to trendy rings, his clientele
prefers a unique, inspired design rather than what you might see in bridal
magazines. And he prefers it that way, too, with diamonds in heirloom settings
and his signature
Ocean Collection for both
men and women.
Chris Bergeron, manager of AJ Marks Jewelers
of Hyannis and Wareham,
says it’s common for couples to come in together to buy their rings.
“I see (fewer) men venturing out alone to
buy a ring, because today’s bride is so much more certain about what she wants
and doesn’t want,” he says.
White metals, 17-karat white and platinum
rings are sought-after in his store and are often snatched up by women who want
them with pavé settings and engagement rings styled to match.
Brides, Bergeron says, love the very, very
bright look.
As the average age
of brides gets older, many marriages are about more than the joining of two
people. Instead they create a new family unit, and including the children
in the ceremony is a wonderful way to celebrate that fact.
The Rev. Kathleen
Geagan, an interfaith minister in Brewster, estimates that about half of her
weddings are for blended families. As joyful as these celebrations are,
she believes parents need to be sensitive to their children’s emotions – both
the good and the bad – surrounding the big day.
“Parents should
remember that for the children it isn’t necessarily the happiest day of their
lives because the fantasy of their mom and dad getting back together is now
over,” she says. “At the same time, once you start including them, it just
helps so much to have them feel a part of it.”
In deciding how to
include children in the ceremony, Geagan advises letting the kids come up with
some ideas of their own about how they would like to participate and to keep it
simple.
“Keep the
atmosphere light, with a sense of humor and not solemn to the point that people
are more nervous than they should be,” she says. “You can make it
meaningful without making it complicated.”
The Rev. Denis
Meacham, associate minister at First Parish Brewster, says he loves to do
weddings for blended families; he encourages people to create as much of the
service as they are comfortable with. His favorite way to include children
is to let them write something they can read at the service.
“I remember one
service, there were three kids who were young teenagers and they each wrote a
little piece about their new family,” he says. “We made a place in the
service around the time of the vows so they had both the vows from the couple
and the vows from the children about how they felt about their commitment to
this new family. It was beautiful.” In another wedding service, one from each side played a piano duet they had
created together, Meacham says. Recently he officiated at a service where the
kids held the rings and then brought them up at the appropriate time and
presented them to the opposite-side parent. Other families light unity
candles where the children each have their own candle, as do the bride and
groom, and they blend the family as they light the candles together.
“The main thing is
encouraging as much participation as possible,” Meacham says. “Whatever the
kids feel comfortable doing and the parents feel comfortable doing, we’re certainly
comfortable doing.”
When Elizabeth and
Keith Pearson were married last summer, Geagan officiated at a ceremony that
included Keith’s two children from a previous marriage, 10-year-old Madison and
13-year-old Chris.
“We’d been dating
for about five years before we got married and it had always been important to
us to include the kids,” Elizabeth Pearson says.
Her husband came
up with the idea to present jewelry to the children at the ceremony, and the
kids wanted to give something to welcome their new stepmother as
well. They bought Chris a tie tack shaped like a lacrosse stick with his
birthstone and a birthstone necklace for Madison. For
Elizabeth, they
chose a necklace with both children’s birthstones. Elizabeth
presented the tie tack to Chris and Keith gave the necklace to Madison
and then Chris put the necklace around Elizabeth’s
neck.
“They appreciated
the fact that we didn’t just say you can be the ring bearer and you can be the
flower girl,” Pearson says. “I think they liked the fact that they got to
do something a little unique.”
Both Geagan and
Meacham note that not all kids are comfortable being in the spotlight; when
that’s the case it is best to give the children jobs that keep them a part of
things, like seating people or handing out the wedding programs at the door. The rehearsal is a great time to assess the child’s comfort level, but Geagan
cautions that it is also a time when kids might reveal some of their inner
conflicts about the wedding or misbehave – and that’s OK. It’s better to
have them explore these emotions at the rehearsal than at the ceremony.
“I’ve seen it
happen over and over again that the kids show up for the rehearsal and they’re
kind of looking around like, ‘What’s going on?’ and the parents are thinking
this is going to be a disaster,” she says. “I just say, ‘Let it all happen
tonight,’ and sure enough they get in their beautiful dresses and their little
suit coats and they’re just like little angels.”
That said, you
also have to be prepared for the fact that some kids might change their minds
or get last minute jitters on the day of the ceremony and back out. When
that happens it’s up to the officiant to give them an out or gloss over the
moment so the child doesn’t feel like he or she ruined the ceremony.
Geagan recalls one
blended wedding where a young teenager wanted to sing at the
ceremony. Even though the girl had performed before, she got last-minute
jitters and just couldn’t do it. Geagan suggested that rather than singing
during the ceremony, the girl do it later at the reception when everyone was
more relaxed.
“Sure enough she
got up and sang and it was fantastic,” she says.
Meacham is also
flexible with incorporating children in the service and uses humor to alleviate
the tension. “My theory about weddings is that you can’t make a mistake,” he says.
“Everybody is there out of love and it’s a glorious day for two people to share
their love with a community. You have a script – that’s the starting
point. I feel the same way about having kids. If they’re running
around the church, I don’t mind. You just have to roll with what happens and
not count on exactly what you thought would happen happening.”
